Why Do I Like You
by MrsHomestuck
Summary: -Rated M for Smut- You don't know what to do as two amazing men are both in love with you. But sadly you have trouble returning feelings due to the fact that you are already in love with someone else who lives too far away from you to even think about giving you a chance. Some people would call you lucky but most would say everything is unfortunate.
1. Life is kind of rough

Your name is Vriska Serket. You are roughly 17 years old (about to go onto 18) and you are in your senior year of high school. You are a very bright and beautiful young woman but your personality isn't the best, you admit. You are kind of a bully. In middle school was where it started.

Your friend Terezi was introducing two new kids in the area to you; some scary ghost girl and the most pathetic little boy you had ever laid your eyes on… It was love at first sight. You went through so much over that boy and regret all of it. He was healthy and shy when you first met and now he is terrified of the world AND ALSO IN A WHEELCHAIR. All. Because of. YOU. He got some silly robot legs that were made especially for him but it was still all you fault.

For a while he seemed to share the feelings but you have to consider that you forced him to kiss you. He was (and still is) overly confused about how you feel about him. Do you hate him or do you love him? You love him a lot but it's kind of more than that. You guess that there isn't really a term for it or something. You will always consider him to be with you in some kind of love-hate relationship though.

You got over Nitram though. Lately he has seemed to find more interest in a guy that he has been friends with for a really long time at where he used to live. The guy just moved here- and you must say; he is a fiiiiiiiine man. He's one of the tallest men you have met. His name is Gamzee Makara. Tavros gets extreme protective over him whenever you glance his way. You understand though. Being protective over a guy like that… You would do it too.

But somehow Mr. Makara seems to be the first to notice you despite how Tav might see it. He seems to find interest in you. Well- more like your beautiful outside compared to your cold inside. Your extremely long blonde hair and ice blue eyes, your dark choice of clothing while still staying fashionable, and your long legs that compliment your not-so-outstanding chest area. You are quite beautiful yourself and you are happy that even a lazy guy like Makara could notice it.

Okay- you're happy when ANYONE notices it. Most people hate you because of it. Like- Pyrope used to be your friend but she seems to have faded away to all of the losers. She hangs out with loners and tech-geeks while you don't really HAVE any friends. Sure, you hang out with Tavvy and Gam but that's only because they are nice enough to give you somewhere to be.

You might be one of the most well-known girls in school but truthfully the only people who like you are the people who you look up to. Like your math teacher, Mrs. Snow. She almost feels like a mother to you (compared to your mother at least.)

You are also doing a lot better in school then a majority of kids that you know. Compared to Gamzee you are like the shiniest star in the sky. You are SO bright compared to him that it actually leads you to the story that is so shitty that it could be written on some stupid fan fiction site or something.

You were assigned to help Mr. Makara with his grades. The dude doesn't care at all about his classes and sometimes even skips. And when he does come- he just sits there staring out the window as if there is something better that he could be doing. You sit next to him in a majority of his classes by chance and always have to poke at him if the teacher is scanning the room for an answer in our direction. You always have to cover the dude and usually answer questions by raising your hand if she is about to pick him. He is probably your best friend but you just have trouble admitting that you can fancy friendship for a weirdo like him. Some people wonder if you two are something more than that (mostly Pyrope and Vantas) and you have to explain verbally how Tavros would have your head if you two had something for each other. Still- he is quite attractive none the less.

Mr. Scratch, the really annoying principal (you really do not fancy each other at all), was the one who assigned you to help Gamzee. You were willing but only because you are his friend. You are actually supposed to meet him at his house in about an hour. You hope this won't take too long. You have things to do despite how you might seem.

You decide to leave early because your mother is going to be home in any minute. You hop in your shitty blue car and drive off. You look at the map you have on the dashboard and grin as you know exactly where to go without even one more look at it. You drive slowly to his place, stopping for a slushie at the local gas station before you arrive. You make sure to get two because if he sees that you have one he will whine until you get him one too. It's purple and a blue- how delicious.

You start again towards his house and stop on the corner. The driveway is very small and already occupied by a rusty old truck and you don't want to accidentally hit it. You grab the treat for him and yourself and start towards his door. Tavros lives right across the street from him and he looks at you from inside to confines of his house. You nod at him as a greeting, causing him to slip a glare at you and close the curtains. You turn back to the run down place that Gamzee calls his home.

You ring the doorbell while being careful not to drop one of the slushies and you hear Gamzee fumbling around inside. "I'm comin'." He says allowed. As he opens the door, the bored frown that he had quickly exploded into joy as he saw that you got him something. "Shit Vris! You didn't have to get me anything. Yes- you even got it in purple."

You shrug. "I knew I would have to get you something- being the first time I'm in your house and all." Gamzee laughed and showed you the way in after taking his frozen drink happily. It was fairly clean and you were surprised. You expected it to be a mess considering the fact that he lives by himself. You trail behind him as he walks upstairs and shows you his bedroom. Okay- this was pretty messy but it was better than your place.

"Welcome to my crib sis." He grins at you. You smile wide and laugh. "Wow Gam, I never would have thought that this place would be cleaner than mine." You both laugh boldly and sit down on his bed. You take out your books and paper and pencils and all that boring stuff as he watches contently. "I'm gonna be so motherfuckin' smart after a gal like you teaches me." He causes you to feel a little embarrassed. Even though he is right- you ARE the best- you are flattered and pat his back.

You are about to crack open the books as your vision is suddenly worse. You look up to see a blurred version of Gamzee with your glasses on his face. You laugh a little. "Come on, Gam, you're gonna fail if we don't get working." He frowns and puts your glasses back on your face. He is looking forward to passing but he doesn't like the process of it at all.

He opens his backpack on the floor next to the bed and takes out everything in a jumbled mess. You sigh a little and straighten everything for him. You suddenly notice a lighter under his stuff. You pull it out furiously and shove it in his face. "HEY! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF THIS!" You scream.

He looks at you horrified and gulps out "Hey- calm down motherfucker- I'll be fine. Not like smokin' ever killed anyone." You glare at him. "It kills lots of people Gamzee. Lots and lots of people. I don't want you to get addicted to it. You only recently started smoking those cancer sticks- you can stop right now and get out of this." He scratches his head and grabs a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. You glare at him intensely. Suddenly he opens the window next to you and chucks the pack out the window along with the lighter. "You better fuckin' pay me back for those sister."

You look at him with a surprised expression as his sits back down- now a lot closer to you. You clear your throat and mumble out softly, "…Yeah, sure. Don't be spending it on any of that stuff though." You hand in some money and he grins playfully at you. "Don't worry sis. I'll get some motherfuckin' sweets or somethin'. You know how I love those little candies." He slurps his half-melted slushie and you grin at him.

You then force him to study with you. It was like he has never studied in his life. But he definitely needs it. You usually don't study very long because you pay perfect attention in class but he is just about the opposite. After about an hour of long studying like 3 subjects at the same time he finished his long list of half-complete homework and you decide the big projects that he is missing will try to be made up later. Good thing your teachers have a soft-spot for his puppy dog eyes and extended the due-dates for him. For tonight you guys are done and you are probably going to leave soon.


	2. Why not?

**A/N Sorry if this story is progressing slowly but the good stuff is about to start!**

**Have fun reading.**

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It's a Friday night and you are starting to wonder what to do when you get home. Maybe you could hang out at the ice rink but then you remember that Pyrope's gang hangs out there all the time. Gamzee notices that you are in deep thoughts as he looks up at you after checking a page that he wasn't sure about. Suddenly your thoughts are interrupted as he whispers "Doin' anything tonight?"

You blush a faint red and lie. "Of course I am! I have TONS of things to do! I am practically the busiest girl in the world tonight!" Gamzee sees straight through your lies and grins at you. You hang your head in defeat after he smiles at you for a couple of seconds. "Ugh- fine. I lied."

He hugs you and grins. "Wanna spend the night or somethin'?" You stare at him confused and look at the clock next to you. It is past 11 pm. You stare at it in surprise. You guess that you DID come over pretty late but this was unexpected. Your mom won't care unless you are missing for a couple days- so why not? "Yeah- sure. It's really late anyways. Are you sure Tavros will be okay with that though? He saw me pull up in my car."

Gamzee shrugs and grins as he speaks. "Motherfucker doesn't own me anyways. It's my house anyways. I motherfuckin' pay for it." You laugh and pay his back. "Alright Makara- you got a deal. You have a nice house anyways. Well- nicer than I expected." He nodded as he took that as a compliment.

He showed you the rest of the house that you didn't see and forced you to remember where the bathroom is.

"Where is the bathroom again sis?" He looks at you seriously.

"Down the hallway - 2nd door on the right" You recite with a groan. He smiles and pats your back roughly. "Now where am I going to sleep?" You whine. It is quite late after going through all this. "And are we going to have dinner or what?"

"Oh- the guest room is to the right of mine. And we could go get some grub now. We could get a motherfuckin' pizza if you want." He smiles at you pathetically and you sigh. "Fine- but it better have some decent meat on it."

You watch Gamzee contently as he orders a pizza for you two. You feel kind of bad for all of this so you are going to pay half of it. Right now you are watching some movie as you try to find out how to sit comfortably in one of his beanbag chairs.

Gamzee comes back after a minute and announces that the pizza will be here in about 30 minutes. You groan because you don't want to wait but decide not to complain much more. It's not like you can force him to make you food of some sort.

You both chat about stupid things and finally the pizza guy comes- and quite late you must add. You give him the money and slam the door on him after taking the food and not saying another word to the guy. He probably doesn't care considering the fact that you didn't ask for change so he gets a few dollars for a tip.

You sit next to Gamzee in the living room on his couch and he claps with joy as you open up the box. You both feast that night- making sure to leave some or later and make it an even number so there is an even share. After eating and relaxing for a bit you get up. "Can I take a shower Gam? And because I don't have my PJs with me can I borrow some of your clothes?" He nods and takes you to his room. After a bit of shuffling in his closet he hands you a huge t-shirt of his and some spotted pants. You nod and wonder if you will even be able to fit into all of this. You might be pretty tall but this is kind of insane.

He tells you he is just gonna chill in his room and you walk to the bathroom with ease. You lock to door and start stripping your clothes off and sigh as you look at yourself in the mirror. You ARE pretty but just don't feel it lately.

You step into the shower and look around for the hair products that you will need. He has a ton of it and it looks like he hardly even touches it. Considering his hair is just a huge bundle of what-died-on-your-head you guess it makes sense. You turn on the water and begin pampering yourself.

You step out after a few minutes of washing and feel fresh. You take an inhale of the cut-off clear air from the rest of the bathroom and pat down your body to dry. You then put your necessary under-garments on and decide to not put on the pants. They are too big by far. The plain black t-shirt he gave you is big enough to cover you from your lower thighs and up. You are content.

You leave after folding your clothes and putting them on the bathroom counter and hold his pants in your arm. Swiftly and silently you want back to his room and find him falling asleep in his bright room. You set the pants on his table and flick off his light. He whispers "Night sis." just as you walk out and close the door behind you. You let out a little chuckle and make way to the guest bedroom.

You quickly flop down on the bed and curl up under the blanket. You are really tired and couldn't be happier to see a bed set for you. You take your glasses off and carefully fold them before setting them on the nightstand next to you. You see everything fade to darkness as you suddenly fall asleep. It was a fun day and you are exhausted.


	3. This seems wrong

**A/N This is the chapter where you can understand that it is rated M for a reason. Sorry if it isn't very nicely written- I'm not very used to writing smut. I'll try to get better for when the moment arises again.**

**Also- thank you for reading!**

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Suddenly after what seemed like no time you wake up to see the clock say its 6 am. Way too early for Gamzee to be up but quite normal for you. Usually you get only a couple of hours of sleep and say you are fine with everything. You get up and, after a while of stretching, walk out of the room. Just as you thought- you could hear him snoring when you cracked his door open. You simply smiled and quietly closed the door again.

You walked around the house as you tried to find something to do. You do this at your own house all the time because you never have anything to do when everyone is asleep. Just to make sure- you glance at his computer in the living room and see that no one is online at the moment. Just like usual. You curse and decide to just browse his computer. Maybe find out that he looks at porn sites or something- at least if you can entertain yourself.

You look through his history first. You don't see anything funny- all the normal stuff. Except one thing catches your eye. It is a code with a ton of random letters- probably a picture file- but it shows up a lot. You decide to click it. You look at it in confusion and don't understand what it is. It's really blurry and it is in black and white so you can't tell. It looks kind of like a person. You can see Tav's Mohawk sticking up on the left bottom corner and grin. Before you can find out whom or what it is you hear Gamzee fumbling upstairs. You quickly close out of his computer and shut it off then walk into a different room before he can catch you snooping.

Gamzee almost FALLS down the stairs and you have to run over and help him get his balance. He looks really tired and probably heard you stomping around. It has been about an hour since you woke up. Tavros said that Gamzee usually wakes up at noon so you must've accidentally woken him.

"Mornin' sis." He mumbles under his breath. "Hey," you reply "Sorry if I woke you up." He shakes his head and gives you that lazy grin of his. He steps into the kitchen and takes a piece of pizza out of the fridge and starts eating. You follow his actions and you both sit down on his couch.

He is trying to sit up but keeps flopping over onto you because he is so tired. You fell over a couple of times but finally could hold him up for a bit. He is heavy but that was to be expected. Finally, after almost falling on you a couple more times, he finishes that piece and gets as balanced as he can be. You quickly finish yours and look up at him. He looks tired and lazy but somehow happy that someone is with him.

You can't help but to let a smile escape from your mouth and that causes him to hug you tightly. You have to pat his back because he wouldn't let go. You were starting to choke. He doesn't look too strong but he sure is. He's practically lifting you up.

Finally you decide to say something. "You should go back to sleep Gamz, you look really tired." He shakes his head in reply and you frown. "Why not? Tav told me that you usually sleep for a really long time. I hardly ever sleep, so…"

He lets out a small whine as he doesn't want to speak so he just starts hugging you again. You deal with it until he does something that is really surprising to you. He kisses your cheek. You blush and look at him embarrassed. "What? What did you do that for?" You squeak out as your voice goes up an octave. He replies with another smooch on the side of your face.

You start turning red uncontrollably and look and him confused. Suddenly you understand that he is playing. He is teasing you. So you kiss his cheek back and he smiles as if having fun and looks at you. You chuckle and say "I'm gonna win," as he pecks you once again.

Suddenly this is turned into a battle. You are both very determined to win and refuse to go down without a fight. But then it happens. The mistake you were afraid of. You accidentally kissed him before he looked away for your move. He doesn't freak out though, not at all. He actually kind of seems to enjoy it?

After that few seconds of it you finally pull away realizing that you are kissing someone else's boyfriend. "Gamzee we should stop. Tavros will kill me if he finds out about this." He ignores your comment. He leans into you and kisses you again but much more passionately. You turn as red as a tomato and close your eyes tightly. He refuses to give up as if it's like the game hasn't stopped.

You open one eye and look to the side and see the window is showing this to the world. Tavros lives right across the street you can even see his house from here. If Tavros finds out you are kissing Gamzee he will seriously hate you forever. You do not want that to happen. You and Tav might have a bad past but you are finally his friend and you don't want to change that. But… Gamzee is so good at kissing you.

You close your eyes again and slowly sink into his kiss. He smells like the candy you always buy him and he is taking over your mind. You put your arms around him gently and relax. You haven't encountered a kiss for years now and this was better than your first. He's gentle yet is making sure that you won't escape his grasp. Your mind is going numb by the time that he finally pulls away and looks down at you.

He is smiling the most charming smile and you look at him as if you are going to fall asleep. It was too calming. It was too nice. It was too much like he wanted it too. Does this count as him cheating on Tavros? Are you the one that is going to break his heart? You do like Gamzee and all but you don't want to do such a terrible thing.

He smiles at you. Not a playful smile or a fake smile - it is completely real and he is very serious about this. He whispers "I've always wanted to do this to you." Your cheeks are on fire and you look at him wide-eyed. He has thought of this before? He has thought of kissing YOU? This is so confusing!

"But what about Ta-" You are cut off by him kissing you again. "Tavbro knows about my feelings, sis. I've told him straight up. He said he was disappointed but wanted me to do what my head tells me. I've seen those looks you motherfuckin' give me, sis. You are interested. You help me without me even asking. You buy me things that I don't need but want and I never even fuckin' request it. Beneath all of what people say you are actually a motherfuckin' sweet girl and I tried but I can't fuckin' stop myself."

You stare at him in shock. He is never this serious. You totally didn't expect this. You don't know what to say. You don't know what to do. So you just do what first comes to mind. You push him from you and you kiss him. You kiss him as tears stream down your face and close your eyes tight. He makes a sound of disbelief for a moment but quickly accepts it. He is aware Tavros won't be happy but he doesn't what his mind tells him.

"I love you." He whispers between gasps of breath. You blush as he forces you onto him as he falls back. Soon enough tongues are involved and sweat is dripping from your faces. "I love you too." You finally say after another minute. The kiss is broken as he starts nipping your neck. It hurts but feels nice at the same time. You start to entangle your hands into his messy hair.

His hands slide down your body and you wiggle a bit as one of his hands slip into the shirt. You realize that you are wearing his shirt with only your blue bra and matching panties underneath. You tempted him. He is doing this because of how you tempted him in such a way. You think to yourself about being an idiot as he slides a hand over your panties.

You squeak and sit up a bit. "Gamzee we shouldn't do this." He frowns at you and sits up, causing your face and his to be extremely close. "Why don't we relocate sis?" He says and glances up the stairs. Before you can reply he is dragging you to his bedroom. He locks you both in there and you stare at him as if scared. He was truly terrifying at that moment. The soft and sweet guy that you are best friends with just turned into a menacing and horny asshole but you might like in a way. You admit that you are pretty sadistic on the outside and a coward on the inside so this is quite the turn of events.

You backup away from him to the point where you are on the bed where the corners of the bed and wall meet. You watch as he slowly steps closer and puts one arm on the wall next to you as he kisses you a bit before starting to slide his tongue down to your neck. You tremble at the strange sensation and look at him with scared eyes. He just grins at you.

As he kisses and nips at your neck he puts one knee in between your legs. It rubs softly against your blue panties and causes you to freeze every time it moves. While you are getting distracted by the confusion and lust you feel he carefully slides his shirt off of you. He grins and stares at your half-naked body while he decides to take the shirt that he is wearing off. He is nicely built but still looks a lot weaker than you would expect him to be. His smile is lustful as he notices how you glanced at him. He then slides his long hands down your body. You tremble as he touches you and finally makes his way to your chest. He reaches behind you to take off your bra and does it a lot more easily than you expected.

His greedy hands came in contact with your breasts and you gasp. He fondled skillfully, which making you wonder if he has done this before. You try to keep quiet but a soft moan escapes from your mouth. As that one sound escapes he starts fondling with one hand as he uses his tongue which caused it to feel so good, but you feel even worse about feeling good from it. His other hand is freely exploring the rest of your stomach. Now you are about to scream from confusion and pleasure added together. "Gamzee…" You plead. "I can't handle this…" A moan escapes from your mouth after saying that.

"I can tell you're enjoyin' this Vris." Gamzee chuckles at you. "But this feels wrong…" You say softly as he moves his hands off of you and raises his head. "What's so wrong about it?" He says in reply. "I just don't feel like I can do this." You admit to him.

He frowns, the smile completely disappearing from his face. "Vris why are you lying?" You look at him with surprise. "What? I'm not lying." He narrows his eyes and observes your eyes carefully when suddenly his knee is in motion again. You tremble and several moans escape from you. He stops again and says softly "Liar."

You are huffing softly and waiting for him to have his way with you. He begins rubbing with his knee again and your hips start to move with him. You are enjoying it but you feel like this is wrong. Your mind is fighting over how to feel and you just don't know. Suddenly you whisper in an answer to him without even thinking. "This is wrong but it feels so good." A grin is on his face again as he replaces his knee with one of his hands, softly rubbing the fabric. You wiggle a bit and gasp at the sudden different kind of contact.

"Gamzee!" You wail. He just laughs at you quietly and then he suddenly slips that hand into your blue panties. You look at him wide eyed and he starts kissing you again so you won't complain. Your mind is telling you to make this stop but your body feels so good. You can't help but to allow his tongue to explore your mouth as you let out muffled moans. His hand is deep into your panties and softly rubbing over you. You wiggle and moan and kiss; this is all happening so fast.

Suddenly right before you are at maximum pleasure you both stop moving all together as you hear the doorbell echo through the house. Gamzee realizes he was supposed to hang out with Tavros today. He gets off of you, leaving you in the room alone and closes the door behind him after he leaves. "Stay here and stay quiet." He says.

Gamzee doesn't even put his shirt back on and you can hear through the floor that Tavros just walked in and is surprised. You cannot hear the words; it's too hard to tell. But you don't hear him leave. You start to hear footsteps coming up the stairs and fear for the worst. You are relieved when you see just Gamzee. "Sis. Tavbro's here." You put the clothes you had on earlier back on and just take the pants on the table that you didn't wear last night. You are kind of disappointed but relieved at the same time.


	4. Can I go home yet?

You come down to see Tavros with his silly robot legs. He stands up and says hello to you. You look to the side a bit and say hello. "So- uh." He says in a curious tone. "What are you doing here, Vriska?"

You glance at Gamzee and bit and he makes a face at you that says, 'Whatever'. "Well- I came over last night to help him with school." You say.

"Yeah I, uh, I know that. But why are you uh, here now?" A drop of sweat comes from your face.

"I spent the night because it was too late to drive home safely…" It was a half-lie but is still partly truthful so you went with it.

Tavros raised an eyebrow. "You're wearing Gamzee's clothes. Uh, did something happen between you two that I should know about?" Gamzee's eyes darted at you from behind Tavros like if you said anything you would be dead meat. So you left out a lot of details. "I just borrowed some stuff…"

Tavros sighed in a bit of relief; obviously against anything happening between you two. You frown at Gamzee while Tavros is distracted by things around him and he shuffles next to you as Tavros says "I'm going to, uh, go to the bathroom."

He whispers to you "You say one word about what happened and God help me I will make you quiet." You start to sweat again and turn a faint red which caused him to add to it. "Or maybe you would like me to make you scream instead." You are completely bright red and refuse to look at him in the eyes. Soon enough Tavros comes back and calms your nerves with his presence. You swiftly move closer to him and try to make small talk to avoid Gamzee.

Tavros decides to chill at Gamzees for a bit and keeps asking you why you haven't left. You know exactly why though. Because your mother is home. You refuse to see her. While you are relaxing with Tavros around Gamzee keeps coming up to you when you are alone and whispering things to you. His warm breath down your neck makes you tremble and you want him to stop. One time he even licked your neck when Tavros is in the room. He almost saw it and you now know that Gamzee is probably 10 times scarier than you when it comes to teasing.

Finally Tavros says it's time to go and he asks if you want to come. You decide that you will just stay here until you know when your mom will leave your house. It's boring but at least you are away from her.

About an hour later Gamzee comes home complaining to Tavros about being really tired. It was about 3 PM by then and you rolled your eyes and Gamzee winked at you when Tavros was helping him lay down on the couch while you were forced to sit on a beanbag chair. You were looking through your phone and texting your neighbor Zahhak to see if he could tell her when her mom leaves. Gamzee pretended to fall asleep after set down and Tavros decided to leave. He closed the open window and the curtains because Gamzee asked him before "falling asleep".

About 30 seconds after Tavros left Gamzee got up and kissed you again. "Jesus fuckin' shit, I was waiting all day to get to taste your blue lips again Vris." Your eyes widened and your phone started ringing. As you tried to answer it and push Gamzee away he grabbed it and answered for you.

"Sorry bro your bitch is getting laid." He said. You could hear Zahhak's confused squealing as he realized it was Makara's voice that he was hearing. Right before he hung up Equius yelled "VRISKA YOU BETTER NOT BE WITH THAT GUY DOING SUCH A LEWD THING. YOUR MOTHER JUST LEFT."

You try to wiggle out from under Gamzee, grab your phone, run to the bathroom to fetch your things, and do a kick-flip out of his house but you fail miserably. "FUCKING SHIT GAMZEE LET ME GO HOME."

Gamzee stares at you calmly as you struggle to break free. His once charming smile has now evolved into a sadistic and dark grin. His cute slurred little laugh is now a menacing and fear-inducing chuckle. You wonder if Tavros knows about this side of him and realize that Tavros wouldn't be able to handle such an attitude and stay happy. You were the one person who has seen this side to him for probably a long time.

Lost in thought, you stop fighting back and look into Gamzee's eyes. You never noticed how nice of a color they were. The beautiful emerald-green in them reflected so she could see herself. You felt a caring touch along your cheek at that moment. Gamzee had calmed down when you finally made full eye contact. He let his fingers follow your jaw line for a bit as he started to tear up. "Fuck…" He mumbled under gasps. He got up from you and whipped the blue from his lips.

Sitting up to face him, you started to blush. You realize that you really were scared and he must've noticed it too. The striking fear in your eyes as he finally gazed at you for a moment was what set him to tears. He was himself again. He slumped over and stared at his carpet while softly whispering sorry over and over again. You pat his back and he seems to refuse to look at you straight in the face.

You decide after a few failed attempts to make him feel better that it would be better if you left, so you get your things from his bathroom and change. The borrowed clothes are left on the counter in place of your original clothes. Right before you open the door to leave you awkwardly say goodbye without looking in his direction. You wait a few seconds before stepping out and making way to your car.

You round the corner to the tree where you parked your car under so it was out of sight. Tavros was gone from the looks of it. You sighed and scratched your head before unlocking the car door and looking up to see Gamzee standing on the opposite side of your car, panting like he ran as fast as he could to see you again. Before you could say anything he ran over and embraced you tightly. "I'm so sorry sis." His breath was heavy against your neck. "I'm so so so sorry. Please forgive me." You wrap your arms around him and pat his back.

Without saying a word you open the car door and sit inside which causes him to stare at you with longing. You roll down your window and say "Wanna come to my place? Mom just left so we can talk in private." His face lights up and he nods happily. He runs over to the other side of your car and sits next to you.


	5. Truth

You start driving after checking everything over and make sure to not get lost. Gamzee turns on the radio without warning and some song that neither of you have ever heard starts playing. It's really annoying to you but he seems to be enjoying it greatly- pumping his arms, nodding his head, humming an octave too high for his voice range… What a weird guy indeed.

Finally after a couple minutes of annoying drivers and stop lights that unfairly time things for you, the house of your neighbor comes into sight. You see Zahhak scowling at Gamzee while you drive past and park in the driveway. Gamzee stares up at your much bigger house and breaths in slowly. Your car might make you seem pretty broke but that's only because your mother didn't give you any money- you had to pay for it by yourself.

You live in one of those mildly-rich neighborhoods. Not extremely rich but the neighbors are snobby so it must be close. Gamzee stops to wave at the overly athletic boy next door. Equius glares at you two while Gamzee just smiles innocently like what he said never left a memory.

You grab your key from your pocket and open the door to your house. Gamzee walks in and obverses everything. It is a big place but he is acting as if you are royalty. It makes you think about how he could be living in a place like this too if his father would stay with him. You quickly shake your head and try to get rid of these thoughts.

You expected it considering what Gamzee did- but Zahhak lied about your mother leaving. She was in the living room stuffing her face as she talked loudly on the phone to one of her clients. Your mom is a stylist despite how she seems. She does pretty extreme things but she has never touched a celebrity before or anything.

Your mom hears you come in and quickly ends the call with a few more words but in a softer tone. She stands up with her long black hair falling around her perfectly. She glares down at you and opens her mouth as if about to scream at you but stops as she sees the tall boy behind you. He is almost as tall as her in fact. You look like a child compared to these two. "..And who is THIS?" Your mom raises any eyebrow.

Gamzee quickly stands up straight and speaks confidently as he offers to shake her hand. "Gamzee Makara. You must me Mrs. Serket, nice to meet you."

Your mother softens her expression as she shakes his hand. He obviously left an impression on her. Gamzee excuses himself to go to the bathroom after you tell him where it is. He obviously felt extremely pressured at that exact moment. You feel your mother's eyes following you as you watch him scurry down the hall.

Making sure he was gone, she finally starts speaking. "Who is that young man with you?" She seems stunned that you had taken such a gentleman to the house. "He is much more mature than that last boy you took here. Tavros, was his name?"

You nod like it's no big deal and she smiles at you, as if very impressed. "Finally you are bringing decent men home just like a REAL Serket does." For once she seems happy with you, yet she doesn't do anything more than give you a beaming look. Before you can reply to her, Gamzee comes back. You grab his arm and drag him to your room, locking it when both of you are inside. She was left there to stare in surprise and you left her to wonder what would happen.

He looks at you with wide eyes and scans your face for a valid explanation. You just shrug at him and say softly so she cannot hear you. "Sorry about that." He gives you his goofy smile and starts observing your room. He laughs a bit at the site of the random notes stuck to your wall (half of them crossed out and beyond reading point), the silly drawings that are scattered about around a big poster with some matching books near it. The floor is littered with random things such as dice and 8-balls (most of which are broken). "Sorry the place is so messy. I would have tidied up a little if I knew this was going to be happening."

Gamzee just observed everything carefully and glanced at you for a moment. He seemed very content and couldn't stop smiling. "Never been in a motherfuckin' pretty girl's room before." You laugh and grin at him wildly. "Never had a motherfuckin' confident guy in my room before." You wink at him and he practically jumps with joy as you imitate his low and scratchy voice. Suddenly his expression grows seriously and he gives you the tightest hug you've ever experienced in your life. It hurt but was nice at the same time somehow. "Ah," you choke softly as an after effect. "What was that for?"

He looks away and mumbles "Sorry about before sis." You turn a delicate shade of red and shake your head as you pat him on the back. "It's fine." You were about to add that you don't want him to ever do it again but decide that might be kind of insensitive. He hugs you again and you can feel him shake as he painfully holds onto the sobs in the back of his throat. You tell him that it's okay and here come the waterworks. He cries on your shoulder for a couple minutes but you are interrupted by a loud knocking on your door. You ignore it for a few seconds until your mother starts screaming your name with anger. You direct Gamzee to sit on your bed gently and then stomp out of your room and close the door behind you.

She starts yelling about how you ran off to your room with a good looking man which seemed way too suspicious to her. You confront her of being jealous of you because it's her fault that all of these things have happened to her and yadda yadda yadda. Then you two are cut off by another knock, but on the front door this time. She runs down there and gets flustered. She screams for you and you run down there. You see Tavros standing in your door way, with Aradia standing close behind. You forgot that Aradia's house is also around here and that Tavros must've seen you if he was over there. "Where's Gamzee?" He says loudly to you. Your mother watches in awe as the once cowardly boy yells at you without not even one 'uh' escaping from his mouth. "Where is Gamzee, so help me I will kill you Vriska."

Aradia quickly grabbed Tavros by the shoulders to restrain him but it was in vain. Suddenly swears are spewing from his mouth and you feel like you have summoned the devil upon your house. "God DAMNIT VRISKA." You watch him in surprise because you never knew the kid was THAT protective. "WHERE IS GAMZEE? IF YOU LAYED EVEN ONE FINGER ON HIM I WILL CHOKE ALL OF THE LIFE OUT OF YOU."

He stops after looking up. Gamzee was staring down at him in awe with his swollen eyes. He was obviously crying which didn't help you at all. He shot a sharp glare at you and you shook your head like it wasn't your fault. Technically it was in some weird way but you didn't mean to! Gamzee slowly walked down the stairs and Aradia quickly fled before anything extreme happen. Gamzee grabbed the short boy's arms and they released from you instantly. Your mother is practically having a heart attack by now because of all of that fuss. You can't help but to let a grin out from the corner of your mouth.

Gamzee looked calm but after the adventure you had with him earlier you are far aware that he is holding back bubbling anger and disappointment. Tavros fails to notice and calms down completely. He obeys Gamzee in every way and looks at you as if asking for a little time with him. You nod quickly and drag your mother into the kitchen with you.

After a couple minutes you decide to peak around the corner to check if it's okay now. You catch a glimpse of tears streaming down Tavros' face and his lip quivering as he takes his leave. Gamzee notices you watching after a couple seconds and sighs. "What… What happened?" You say unsure if it is alright to ask him. He simply looks back to the half-closed door and sighs while speaking. "I told him the truth."


	6. Spiraling

**A/N My writing suddenly took an extreme change in this chapter. I got a lot of inspiration by listening to beautiful music. Hopefully my writing with stay as nice as this. Please tell me how you feel about this sudden change!**

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You stare at him. You look into his deep emerald eyes and observe his soft, melancholy expression that is perfectly surrounded by his dark brown hair that blows gently with the wind radiating from the open doorway. For once in your life you feel true sadness. You shiver from your thoughts and you are too scared to ask what happened. The thought of seeing Tavros cry as these facts are put on his shoulders. Of how his boyfriend, the man he loves more than anything in the world, is in love with someone else. It's the fact that he will not ever truly feel the full extent of his love, even if you refuse him. Your existence has only caused this boy endless pain and you have just landed the last blow.

Everything around you starts to swirl. Your eyes water and your lips quiver as you refuse to accept what has happened. You start blaming everything on yourself and curse under your breath. You knew by the moment that you realized what pain you caused him in the past that the rest of your life would be nothing but pain for the people around you, and you were right. The simple fact that you exist is a nuisance to everyone around you. Your mother wishes you would grow up, which you refuse to do. Your lost friends wish you would face the facts, which you refuse to do. Your current friends wish you would do something else, which you want to do but you just can't. You are too comfortable despite being surrounded by never-ending glares; the glares of people who once cared about you and are tired of waiting for you to change.

Your whole life and your choices are spread out in front of you at this very moment. You have never felt so terrible. Even when you ruined a physical half of him it did not sting as much as ruining an emotional whole. His life wasn't over and neither was yours. Everyone was still living and time was still passing you by. You wonder what time is at this very moment. The thoughts in your mind scream completely different things in the most unorganized way possible and you stand staring with a pained expression. They are too loud and will not settle. You feel like you are drowning after swimming in the ocean for far too long. You have tried to escape but finally fatigue is catching up to you and you are slowly dying. It seems painless in the moment but looking at it from a different perspective gives you the thickest feeling in your chest. Your heart sinks just like your body and mind together do as you refuse to accept the life around you.

Life is in slow motion. Or maybe you are moving too fast? You watch as Gamzee stares at you. His hands are gently shaking as he walks towards you. His eyes widen very slowly. The world is slowing down. Usually someone wouldn't take this so seriously but you just lost one of the most important people in your life. You can't swallow. Your throat is dry and you are at a loss for words. You feel tears stream down your face as slow as possible. He slowly steps closer from your perspective, while he is probably moving faster than everything else. You feel his warm touch against your face after waiting for what seems like forever. You accept his warmth despite how doing this in the first place was what made everything burn to ashes. He embraces you. His warm breath skids down your neck as his gently pulls your hair. You can feel the warmth of tears streaming down his cheeks as well.

Suddenly you are pulled back into the world. Everything in real-time. But that feeling still stays with you. The breath in the back of your throat is ebbing to morph into a scream as you release it. But you hold it there. You can't breathe. You can't think. You can only feel the softness of his warm breath along your skin. You hear the tears in his voice. You feel the tension in his breathing. He is happy for the truth but upset over what just happened. It was a group effort. Neither of you wanted to it happen, but you both shattered the heart of a boy that you are both extremely close with. You feel his breath and his chest vibrate as he says something to you but you can't quite decipher what it means. All you could hear were slurred sounds as if language and speech itself had no real meaning anymore. You can't understand. You struggle to reply with question but not one sound can escape from your throat anymore. You stand in silence as he awaits your reply. He will probably never receive it. Your mind has floated from what you once believed. You feel like the most and least intelligent girl in the world at the same time. But how can one be the most and the least at the same time, you wonder. You don't know about anything anymore. You just float with your thoughts. You want to just disappear. You are already halfway there. You are fading from your reality. You think about coming back to say goodbye but that would ruin some of the purpose.

Your body goes limp. You are conscious but can't move a muscle. All you can feel is the breath struggling to escape and come in slowly. Your heart's beat is also there. His warm arms clouding around you feel like mist escaping into your lungs. His embrace is too tight that it chokes you. You cannot move though. You don't even want to move. You want to stay still and feel him heaving as he hugs you as tight as he can. His warm arms can be around you as much as he wants. He can do whatever he wants. Even if you become someone who you don't want to be, if he wants it then you will agree.

You cannot disagree in this state anyway. You are like a beautiful blue doll with long blond hair and your bright blue eyes. Your perfect pale white skin as you cannot move. All you are missing is a beautiful dress to match it all. Somehow a smile escapes from your lips. It is all you can manage to do. You aren't even happy. You are the most miserable in your life that you have ever been. You could not begin to describe. You have that empty stare that dolls have. This is the sadness that just stares straight and doesn't move. Your jaws clench as he let go and just stares into your icy eyes. You feel lonely in an instant. You feel like you need someone to touch you even if it's just friendly. You need the warmth of another being to calm you. You need to breathe. Your mind goes numb. Your hands shake. Your whole body shakes, in fact. He just looks at you. He in takes the curve of your facial features and the sharp yet lonely stare in your eyes.

Before you realize it, you have kissed him. A strong and passionate kiss that is worth one for the movies. Your hands curve around his shoulders and you just pull on him gently. You want him to exchange the embrace, even if he doesn't sink into the kiss. You don't know why you kissed him, but it seems to have calmed you down a bit. Your breathing has calmed and you are less tense. You are still shaking and shivering but it is not as intense as before. He finally puts his arms around you again and exchanges the passionate kiss that you were longing for in the back of your mind.

_This is wrong_, you thought. _This is stupid; _you hum in your mind. _But why can't I stop loving him?_

Your mind is a mess as the kiss grows stronger and stronger. He grabs your hand and breaks off the kiss as he forces you to trail behind him up the stairs and into your room. Before you enter, you can hear your mom drive off after closing the door silently. You can't believe that this is all happening around you. Not one word was said before you were locked in your room and this beautiful man was entangling his fingers into your hair. You start to grow weak and hard breaths escape from your chest. His warmth is engulfing you. He is much sweeter than before and his kiss is much gentler while still staying passionate. He lets his hands explore you gently while making sure to be extra careful where you are sensitive.

His hands slide under your shirt and he breaks the kiss to look at you for permission before moving even an inch. You nod while catching your breath after the kiss and close your eyes again as he begins. He pecks small kisses on your lips while slowly sliding your shirt off. His eyes scan your body and his face turns a darker shade of red. One of his hands entangles with yours as the other slides up and down the curve of your back. You start to whisper moans and he shyly smiles at you.

He slides his own shirt off and throws it off of the bed on the floor. You look at him and close your eyes halfway. You are tired but refuse to fall into sleep at this moment. In an instant you find yourself lying on the bed as he traps you around his body. You are again taken into a deep kiss. Your eyes close and you feel your cheeks grow hot. If a week before this someone told you that you would be kissing Gamzee Makara passionately, you would have turned away and snorted. Now this is all too real. You would have never expected it, but it is happening.

You expected much more to happen but Gamzee seems to be playing it safe. He doesn't want to scare you like before. He is extra gentle and the most he does is touch your breasts for only a couple of seconds. You are somewhat disappointed but are happy that you are with him anyway. You feel yourself fall into his kissing. You are tired. Your eyes start to be less tight and you start to drift to sleep. All of this excitement has caused you to float away into your dreams. You still feel his lips for the beginning of your thoughts though, before your mind goes off to dreaming. When you awake in your strange dream world all you can see is that Gamzee is still kissing you. By now the feeling has physically worn off but it means a lot to feel the passion through your dreams. You are really happy that you dreamt of him.


	7. Forever

The darkness starts to lift as your eyes open to feel warmth cradling you. The image you see is of Gamzee with his eyes closed softly. You watch in silence as his body moves with the flow of his breath. You put a hand on his cheek and sit up very slowly and try not to wake him from his deep sleep. His long arms slide from your body. All you can hear are the very quiet breaths escaping from his mouth. He is practically glowing because the setting-sun is shining on him through your window.

It is about 5:32 by now according to your clock and you should be getting him home soon. You almost try to wake him up but decide to just pat his shoulder softly. You stand up straight and stretch. You feel productive and you know you have to make something right. You have to apologize. You are determined to get there. You need to see Tavros be happy again.

It might be rude to suddenly leave Gamzee behind, so you leave a note next to him describing how you are going to look for Tavros. After putting your shirt back on you look outside quickly to see that there are leaves littering the dying grass. It is almost the time of year for winter to start. You put on a dark blue scarf and your slightly torn jacket. For fall weather you should be fine like this. You close your door softly and lean against it for a few seconds before leaving. This is the right thing to do.

It is awfully cold outside compared to earlier today. But today you admit it was warm for the usual late October weather. You would usually be excited that your birthday is coming in a few days, but you just have so much more to focus on now that these events have been laid in front of you. You start walking. You don't even try to drive anywhere. If he isn't at Aradia's then you will just walk to his house. He will be more sympathetic if you walk to see him anyway. You don't want to get yelled at like before.

A girl walking alone in the cold on a Saturday night, what a sad story. Usually you would care but that's another thing that you can think about another time. Right now you are just focused on making it to Aradia's house. She is a couple blocks away so you will be fine, you just hope that he's there.

You go over your thoughts. You go over what to say. You decide to pick up the pace after getting to the end of your block. After the next block you start running. You make a left turn to go down her street and skid to a halt in front of her house. The lights are all off except a single one that seems to be in the living room. You can see through the thin-shades that she is tidying up inside.

You take a deep breath and ring the doorbell. Her head perks up and she walks to the door. She opens it after what seems like an eternity to find you standing there down the short steps, huffing and puffing the cold air. She looks at you with surprise and takes a while to say anything. "Can I help you?" she stutters out. "Is Tavros still here?" You say with a tight voice. You sound much more desperate than you wanted and curse under your breath. "No. He just left." You curse louder and she looks at you slightly frightened. "He didn't go home though. To my knowledge he went in the opposite direction." She points to the left and you nod as thanks to her and run off without a word.

You feel her gaze on your back as you run away and to the direction she pointed. You cannot feel it anymore by the time you run halfway down the block. You should have brought more with you. The sun just set and it is much colder. Your torn jacket does hardly anything but you don't care. You just run and run and feel the freezing wind wisp through your hair. He can't be far. He doesn't have his car with him, you are aware of that. He left it at his house when you were last at Gamzees. You have never gone this way so you hope that you don't get lost.

You run and run and finally reach a street that says dead-end in big letters. You look around frantically and see artificial light to your right so you decide to run towards it. If you do get lost, it would be better to be able to see everything around you. You run past what seems like never-ending houses and start to slow from exhaustion after your come into an open area. You sit at the bench in front of it and you hang your head. The glasses perched on your face start to slide off and you fold them, putting them into your jacket pocket. You feel warm tears stream down your freezing face. It is a bittersweet feeling, only feeling nice in the moment and leaving you feeling colder when they don't fall as often. You are tired of crying. You are tired of being scared. You want to leave this place. You want to live with your long-distance friend, John. You wish that you didn't live so far away.

Suddenly your thoughts are cut off as you hear your name. It is hard to tell who at first but then the words are louder. "Vriska? Vriska, are you okay?" Your face lights up for the moment that you look up, only to be disappointed by seeing one of your old friends Kanaya. Her red hair looks soft against her pale skin. "Vriska what's wrong? Do you want me to take you home?" Her voice echoes in the cold of the night. You shake your head and mumble between sniffs. "I'm," You sniffle. "I'm fine."

She lays one of her gentle hands on your head. She is being very nice to you and you didn't expect it. Usually she ignores you because of what you have said to her in the past. "Why are you here?" She asks you with her soft voice. "I'm looking for Tavros…" Your voice wavers throughout the sentence and by the time you say his name you are on the brink of tears again. "Tavros? If I'm right, I saw him go the other direction from here. I tried to say hello but he was going quite fast away from here." You look in that direction and clench your teeth. Tears slowly fall off of your face and Kanaya stares at you with disbelief. It isn't often that people get to see you cry.

"Vriska it's awfully late you should get home. I will be of assistance to you if you would like. My house is not far from here if we keep going to ahead." You shake your head again. "I need to find him." Your voice is strong for the beginning of the sentence but ends up dying out by the time you finish. You do need help and Kanaya would probably be the best person for that, but you are too determined to find him. You NEED to find him. If you don't, you might just stay here and die.

You stand up and escape from her worried expression staring at you. Now she is surprised and straightens herself as she comes closer to you. Her tall heels clack as she steps closer. "For the least please exchange jackets with me. It might not look like much but my brown jacket here is very warm because of the light fabric I used." She offers you her high fashion accessory and you want to accept it, you do, "But what about you? Won't you be cold?" Her laugh is gentle and makes you feel kind of safe. "No, I'm fine. I thought you would remember how I am fairly resistant to the cold." You chuckle. "Yeah, but you can't stand the heat one bit." She hands you her jacket and you exchange your torn one. She takes your glasses out of the pocket and gives them to you and you put them back on. "While I have it, would you like me to mend it? I know how you love this thing and I would be more than happy to fix it." A smile escapes from your lips. "Yeah, I'd like that." She nods with joy as you put the jacket she handed you on and she waves as you say your farewell and start running off again.

After Kanaya's reassurance you are more than ready to find Tavros. You are going to have to thank her again later. You might have just regained a lost friend. You run and run and don't get nearly as tired as before. Finally light is showing again and you stop at the end of another dead-end. You see a hill there and decide to climb it. It is very tall and halfway up you can see a figure sitting on top of it. If that isn't him then you might give up.

You start to move silently through the grass and by the time you reach the top he still does not hear you. It IS him. His tan hands are moving along the plush grass softly. He is looking towards where to sun set a couple of minutes ago. You watch his shoulders fall along with his breathing and finally you speak up. "Hey." In your head you are cursing at yourself for saying something so short and lame.

He turns quickly with surprise to see you standing there. Your glasses are fogged up enough so you take the chance to continue crying without him seeing. As long as the tears don't fall you with be fine. He doesn't say a word to you but allows you to sit next to him and stare at the sky. The stars are beautiful and the wind flowing through your hair is calming. But your ears sting because of the cold nipping away at you.

He finally looks at you straight in the eyes. Your tears are falling and he can see it. He has extreme trouble trying to understand why you are crying and his brown eyes are looking over you. After waiting for him to say something for a while you decide that you will. "Tavros," you catch his full attention before you start. "I'm so sorry. You can't even begin to understand how sorry I am and how much I regret everything I've done." You look to the side and try not to look into his eyes. "I understand if you can't forgive me and I am okay with that. I just want you to understand how badly I regret everything. It all happened so fast that I was unsure how to react. That sounds stupid but it's true."

Finally his voice breaks your rambling. "It's fine, Vriska. It, uh, wasn't your fault. I should have been better to him. Uh. I know how you would, uh, try to ignore him and that made me feel bad. It made me, uh, think about everything that I've said. I'm sorry too." His voice is calming to you and you look at him again. He is crying too. He comes closer to you and starts hugging you. It's soft and fragile but it's warm. You have missed this feeling. He hasn't hugged you for at least a year now and you cannot begin to explain how great it feels. You cry into his shoulder and he calms himself with the embrace. "I should really move away from here." You whisper, thinking it was in your head. He looks at you with surprise after breaking the hug. "Why would you say that?"

"I only cause trouble around me. If I could, I would go live with John. I don't really have as much conflict with him as much as I do with everyone here. Wouldn't it be nice to see me go?" He frowns. "Of course not! We, uh, I mean I; I need you here. I, uh, need someone strong like you." You force a laugh. "Strong? Look at me Tavros. I'm the one crying on YOUR shoulder. I'm nothing but a weak." You sigh and look back at the sky. It really is a beautiful night. "But I'm, uh, weaker than you. Everyone has their weak-spots but, uh, you are usually very strong."

"That word doesn't describe anything about me." You frown and pat his back. "You're the strong one, you dork. Despite how it might seem, you can stand for what you want. You can fight if you really want to, and best of all; you know how to control yourself." His face turns a burning red and you feel like you did in middle school; you feel like all you want is to be with this boy, even if he is mad or sad or happy or any freakin' emotion. You just want to stay here with his hand on yours. This is the most platonic relationship you have ever had with him and it is really nice.

You want to stay like this all night. No, even more. You want to stay with him like this forever.


	8. A Bad Movie

You want him to stay with you, you really do. But you need to go home and take Gamzee back. Maybe you could take Tavros too? You might have gotten along with Tavros again but you aren't sure if he would be okay with Gamzee there. Maybe they could take separate rides. You sigh deeply causing him to look at you again and you slowly stand up, taking your hand away from his. You instantly feel cold and lost again but know that you will both get sick if you stay out too long. You are already starting to feel a runny nose coming along.

His deep brown eyes follow you as you are about to start walking but you decide that you should at least say goodbye. You help him up because those silly artificial legs of his are probably hard to get up with. You glance at the street below you as you are about to say goodbye with a smile, but you feel warm again for a reason that you don't know. It feels really nice and you start to close your eyes a little until you notice that it is gone again and you open your eyes to look at him. Did he just kiss your cheek? He is blushing deeply and you are certain that he just did that. Guilt shadows over you again and your face is a bright red. You don't say a word as you slide down the steep hill. He stares at you quietly as you practically run away just as fast as you ran to him in the first place.

You run back home and watch as Aradia looks out of her bedroom window to wave at you before you dash past. You just nod at her and see a smile creep over her face as she closes the window again. Are you supposed to feel happy because of her paying attention to you? You both never really got along but she seems to be supporting you. Maybe you don't want to leave.

The freezing air is even colder and harder to breathe than it was a couple of minutes ago and you must not have noticed from the comfort of that boy's hand. But now you have to get Gamzee home. That is the right thing to do. Plus your mom would kill you if she comes back in the morning to find him sleeping on the couch or even worse, in your room. You shake your head and speed past another block. You are a block away from home now. You should be on the track and field team with all of this running; the thought gives you a chance to chuckle a bit.

Your sneakers skid to a stop in front of your house. You walk slowly towards your front door and open it to find Gamzee reaching for the doorknob. His green eyes stare you down and you are unable to tell what he is thinking. Is he mad, sad, or what? He just stares at you; it is a blank and bored stare like he is dying to do something fun. You can't help him there though. Before he can react any more, you grab his arm and drag him into your car. He tiredly lays down on the back seats and you sigh when coming in after him. "Ready to go home?"

Gamzee groans and you take it as a yes. Your throat is closing up with nervousness as you are about to pass near the direction where Tavros is. You decide it's only fair to give him a ride home; he's on the way to Gamzee's anyway. You quickly turn which startles Gamzee. He quickly tries to go back to sleep as you drive along the road with your memory helping you. At the corner of Aradia's block you see Tavros walking to her house. You quickly press on the brakes right next to him and he jumps with surprise. You open the door a little because you don't want to test the windows in this cold. "I'm going to take you home Tav."

He shakes his head. "But, uh, Aradia's going to give me a ride back home."

You scratch the back of your scalp. "Come on Tavros, I'm on the way anyways."

"What?" He looks at you confused and you just point to the backseat. He walks to look in the window and when he sees Gamzee he jumps a bit again. "Oh. Uh. Okay fine, but only because, uh, you are already on the way."

You point to the passenger's seat and he quickly hops in. Gamzee makes a couple tired sounds but still doesn't seem to understand what is going on so you roll with it. Tavros is very quiet on the way there. He hardly even moves without staring at you and when you move every once in a while he turns all bright red. You sigh as you see him freak out from your side view. After a while of leaving his mouth open as he tries to let out words, he says something. "Uh, Vriska, I'm uh, sorry about what I did earlier. I got a little, uh, carried away…"

You squint as you try to focus on the road. You just got off of the main roads so it is harder to see along with your dim headlights. Plus you have to try to not get nervous with Tavros here. You have always felt safe around him so it's kind of funny. Kind of like you have always felt with Gamzee, but after one encounter you feel totally different. Tavros has kissed you before; you might have forced him a bit but you felt SOMETHING. You don't know why it is suddenly such a big deal. Maybe because you are trying to be a better person.

You feel tired yourself by the time you stop in front of Gamzee's place. Tavros says he will take Gamzee inside and tells you to wait here. Why are you even waiting? He lives right there, why does he have to make you wait? You want to go to Kanaya's house and maybe even invite Karkat over. You two don't get along well but at least you can stand each other. Plus Kanaya will be there. You guys could watch girly movies together and gossip. It sounds fun. Kanaya and Karkat are best friends anyway so it would work well. You aren't even sure if you are friends again; you hope so, but you are not entirely sure.

After spacing out and thinking about staying at Kanaya's, Tavros finally comes back to see you staring straight ahead at nothing. He sits back in the car and you look over at him. "Why am I still here again? You live seriously right on the other side of me; I don't see why I can't drive away. I'm tired Tavros." He looks at you seriously and you focus on him. He is seriously serious. Ha. You wonder what about. It's not like he's going to confess his love or something to you. You are beautiful but not THAT beautiful. Except that would be nice. Tavros is a wimp and all but you are way more compatible with him than Gamzee.

Wait what is with that look of his? You were joking about that you swear if he freakin' says something like that you will die. "Vriska," You take a deep breath to prepare to have all of your worries go away. That won't happen. Right? Yeah, this never even happens to the girls in the cheesy movies. You would know; Vantas has taught you well. "I think I…" You gulp and your head starts to ache as you wait for it. "I think I am in love with you." Your eyes widen and you are silently screaming now. Fuck fuck fuck! Why can't this happen with the people you want it to? For example; the only guy you are interested at the moment lives 5,000 miles away from you. Some people would call you lucky for two attractive men to be in love with you but this is the opposite of luck.

He notices your expression and looks down at his hands. An awkward and forced smile shows up on his face, "Uh, I mean, j-just kidding!" His expression is sad and you feel really bad about all of this. Why couldn't he have felt this way when you felt the same? It slips out of your mouth without you even thinking. "Why couldn't you have felt this way when I felt the same?"

Tavros raises his head to look at you with a pained expression. "You're a kinder person now, Vriska. I am, uh, proud of you for that." You frown and look away from him. "I'm still the same person. I'm fucking pathetic. I can't tell if you are trying to make me feel terrible or not. I want to feel the same for both you and Gamzee, I do, but I just can't." You clench your teeth. "I'm going to leave. You should get out."

You grab your phone and scroll through your contacts to find Kanaya's number. You dial it as Tavros watches you with the saddest expression you've ever seen. You feel terrible for it but also that he was stupid enough to even think about you like that. Kanaya answers as you are lost in thought. "Hello? …Hello? Vriska is that you?" Finally you snap out of it and answer. "Sorry, I'm a little distracted. I was wondering if I could come over tonight. You could bring your little boyfriend and everything." You laugh to try to seem normal as you force out sarcasm. Tavros watches you fake your emotions with awe. He seems to not know if he should be utterly amazed like 'wow that's amazing' or something else like 'I can't believe you could lie to someone so casually'.

He doesn't leave your car. He waits until you and Kanaya arrange plans and she is currently inviting Karkat over. You hope everything works out because you are suffocating with Tavros here. You finally turn to look at him. He still looks extremely sad and pitiful and you can't fucking stand it. Your lips quiver as you whisper again. "Get out of my car Tavros." He shakes his head and you say it again louder. "Get out of my car, Tavros." He again shakes his head again and you are starting to raise your voice for a few seconds until you feel tears fall from your face. "Get out! Get out, you son of a bitch…"

Tears are falling from your cheeks. You can't handle this man. You can't take it. He kisses your cheek again. You feel cold this time. You feel cold and empty. You love him, you really do, but this has gone on long enough. You want to move. You want to live with Kanaya. Would she care? She lives too close to everyone though. Maybe you could convince her to move to another town with you. Suddenly your phone rings again. "Vriska I have convinced Karkat to join us for our night outing. Please be nice to him when you arrive, if you come soon you will probably beat him here. He does live a decent distance from me."

"Yeah, yeah. I will get there in a few minutes. I might be late though. I'm kind of in the middle of something now." You whisper into the phone. After she said her quick goodbyes you hang up. "When will you leave?"

"Where are you going?" He says. It's more like a demand to know. "I'm going to hang out with a friend." His eyes narrow and before you can tell him to leave again; he kisses you as passionately as you have ever felt a kiss. "…Fuck." You whisper as you can feel the warmth returning to your face. "Fuck. Fuck. FUCK." You scream as you refuse to look at him. He sneaks out of your car and leaves you to think things over. He looks back at you right before he enters his house to see the light inside Gamzee's house reflecting your tears into his view. He bites his lip and runs inside his house.

You text Kanaya that you are on your way and by the time you get there, your eyes are lined with red from crying. You almost crashed because it was obscuring your vision. You step out of your car and breathe in the ice-cold air. It stings your throat but it's not like you can change that. You walk up the sidewalk slowly and suddenly stop as you hear footsteps behind you. Because of the quiet neighborhood you can hear shoes hit sidewalk clearly. You look in the direction to see Karkat. When he notices you, he stops in his tracks. You both stare at each other for a while until Kanaya notices you and comes out to call you in. "Vriska it's cold, please do come inside." She glances over at Karkat. "You come in too. It is so cold that it might snow tonight."

You both shuffle into her house to sit on her couch together as Kanaya goes to get you both warm drinks. Finally Karkat breaks the silence. "Hey."

"What's up?"

"Not much. Just getting lost in this big fucking neighborhood."

"Haha, yeah, I did that earlier today."

"I wouldn't expect a place so fucking quiet to be so big, y'know?" He sighs and you laugh as you completely understand.

"Yeah, I hear ya."

Kanaya comes back with two steaming cups of cocoa and smiles at you both before handing you both some warm drinks. You both go on ahead like idiots and drink some right away, which ends up burning both of your mouths. "It seems you too are finally getting along. For now at least."

Karkat scoffs and ends up grinning without trying. "Us? Getting along? Doesn't this seem a little weird to you?"

You play along. "Oh yes, I wonder if we are sick or something of the sort. Maybe it is a contagious disease."

"Oh fucking no. We are all going to die from being able to tolerate each other."

"What a shame."

"What a fucking shame indeed."


	9. Feeling Sick

"So," Kanaya begins a new conversation after waiting for you and Karkat's giggle-fest to end. "Would you two like to watch a move?"

Karkat raises his head after gulping down half of his drink. "Yeah. Let's do this. Any preferences? We should at least watch something that is even a bit fucking interesting to me. I've seen probably all the fucking movies in the goddamn world so throw me a couple of titles." Kanaya smiles at Karkat and he rolls his eyes in return.

"Why don't we watch something funny? I'm not really in a good mood at all and I know that Rom-Coms are your thing Karkat but at the moment I can only handle the Com, not the Rom." You blurt out causing them both to look at you with much interest. You expect them to complain about what you said. They really do like stupid movies that make you feel fuzzy inside and make you barf fucking rainbows. "Uh…" Karkat says much quieter than his usual tone. "What's the problem? You did seem pretty upset when we were coming inside. What happened before you came here?"

You direct your eyes to your hands, specifically the one he was holding, and clear your throat. "Uh… I kind of ran into some more romantic problems." They both look even more interested. Karkat turns fully towards you and Kanaya sits up straight. You never really have anything to say about love anymore ever since middle school so you guess they must be interested. Plus they both question you about your relationships a lot.

"Who? What happened? What did he say?" They both spit out questions all at once and you mumble with a shy tone. "Erh. It was actually TWO people." They both act even more interested. Kanaya sets her hand on the coffee table she is sitting next to and Karkat moves a bit in twitching movements. Before they can ever question you spit out the obvious. "Gamzee AND the dork seem to be feeling attracted to me. I know that Tavros for sure would be healthier for me but Gamzee can be so perfect sometimes. My MOTHER even likes him." They both are almost exploding from interest in the topic.

"So the gay-friends are both crushing on you? I didn't even know that Gamzee could find interest in girls. This is like the worst fucking plotline for a movie. That's how damn cheesy it is." Karkat laughs and you shrug. "I was thinking the same thing earlier." You reply with guilt coming on your shoulders again.

"But doesn't this seem a bit extreme? You must be pressured about this. It is definitely not common for both people in a couple to be crushing on a hard-to-get girl like you." Kanaya adds and you nod. "Yes! You understand! The two of them don't seem to even know how much pain they are causing me!" You put your knees up close to your face and snuggle into your arms.

"This is probably the closest to 'torture' that you can fucking get. Just listen to it out loud. It sounds like utter bullshit. 'Two thought-to-be-gay guys fall in love with a perfectly normal and incredibly smart straight girl while she is already in love with a guy who lives across the fucking country and it is still unknown if he feels the same way about her.' I feel hella bad for ya." Karkat rants and you sigh loudly.

"Well there is a bit more. She is regaining old friends and feeling better about herself all together. Also, her mother seems to have gained a bit of respect through meeting one of the men who are head-over-heels for her." Kanaya adds. You admit it does make you feel a bit better but all together Karkat's explanation seems more like how you feel. "That aside," She changes the subject which makes you feel better. "How are you and Terezi, Karkat?"

Karkat turns a dark red and his voice cracks as he speaks. "W-well, we are fine but s-she is a little too willing t-to get in my fucking pants. She tries to r-rush things and I want to do thing r-right." Both you and Kanaya raise an eyebrow.

"So she wants to fuck you and you feel like your relationship isn't ready for it?" You ask to try to properly understand everything. Karkat turns even redder, which seems physically impossible. "Not our relationship, I m-mean that I might not be r-ready for it."

You start laughing which causes Karkat to glare at you. "It's not like you've had sex!" He yells at you and Kanaya puts a hand over his mouth before he continues to scream. She scolds him with whispers quiet enough that you cannot hear and you finally reply when she is done. "Pfft. I've gotten WAY closer than you have. Let me bet you." You smile as you are probably right. Kanaya might have made it there with Rose already but this argument is between you and fuck-nuts over here.

"Oh yeah? Like what? Getting raped by a pervert?" You sigh. "I wasn't raped, that's offensive to any normal person Karkat. Calm the fuck down."

"Yeah? Than what happened?"

"If you really want to know so badly, I was just about to do it with him. Until fucking Tavros had to-" You finally notice what you are saying and cover your mouth. Oh shit they probably know that you're talking about Gamzee. Hopefully they won't believe you.

Karkat stares at you wide-eyed along with Kanaya. Then the little shit has the nerve to start laughing. "Hahaha! Oh my fucking god! You almost did it with GAMZEE?! Who even does that? What the fuck? Hahahahaha!" You turn bright red and Kanaya hits Karkat on the back of the head lightly enough to not hurt but hard enough to shut him up. "I-it was HIS fault! Like I had any idea that the guy is a raging hormonal douchebag."

Karkat continues laughing at a lower volume so Kanaya won't get mad again. "Wow Vriska I never knew that a nice guy like him could pin down a jerk that is feared by the whole school." Kanaya hits him yet again and he finally learns his lesson and shuts up. "Speaking of him, aren't you supposed to tutor him again tomorrow? Or does the every-other-day rule not apply for the weekend?"

You sigh and scratch your head. "The guy really wants to step up his grades so yeah, I've gotta' get down there at 1 pm tomorrow." Karkat grins at you and you kick him in the stomach. He bends over and coughs. He then proceeds to groan with pain and Kanaya pats his head. Then she shots me a look when he is not looking and you read her lips. 'He deserved it.'

It's about 1 am by the time you all decide to go to bed. You were watching a really bad movie with a terribly happy ending. You all kept falling asleep in the middle of it, only to be awoken by the bad sound effects.

Sometimes Karkat has random twitchy-fits (he did in middle school too), so Kanaya lets him sleep in her room. You and Kanaya decide to share the living room. She gave you the couch and then got herself a sleeping bag that she had ready. Your eyes close as you slip into darkness, ready for the dreams that you will meet.

After hours of dreaming (it seems like only a couple of minutes in the dream), it turns somewhere strange. It was too hard to understand at first but now things are clear. You are in a warped-version of Gamzee's house. Some things are in the wrong places, like the kitchen being connected to a different part of the house, but you can tell that this is a version of his house.

This dream is kind of awkward for you after thinking about what happened here last time. Even though you don't want to, your dream-self walks into his room. Before your mind can even register what is going on you see yourself on his bed. Just like earlier. He is touching you and making you uncomfortable. But he is gentle with you. You squirm under him for a bit but then come to accept it. You accept his kiss, his touch, even his rude words. You are way too comfortable with this. He is now pumping himself into you. You cannot feel it but your dream-self is squealing and sweating like mad. By now you know it is a dream. Your first time will hurt- that is a guarantee. But you feel like you WANT this to happen. It's explainable because you are still a teenager who is overflowing with the feelings of your body changing.

Right before the final blow occurs you are woken up by Kanaya. She is looking down on you with a worried face. "Vriska are you alright? You look pale and you are sweating up a storm. Are you possibly ill?" You quickly sit up and instantly regret it as your eyes go black for a moment and your head swirls. Maybe that dream was because you actually do feel sick. Your body temperature is sky-rocketing and you definitely have a fever. Perfect, just perfect.

Karkat and Kanaya are already both awake and watch you as you try to go on. But how tragic, you feel much too ill. Kanaya forces you to get in your car. Before you leave, she hands you the coat that you let her fix. You hug her before slowly walking to your car. You start driving to your house. It shouldn't be bad because it's only a couple blocks away. Kanaya trusted you anyway, which means you must not be THAT bad. You keep thinking about that dream. It makes your face turn extremely red against your pale face and your eyes go a little blurry. You try to push the thought away after you almost drove into the wrong side of the street. Good thing it's a little early for most people to be awake and too late for the early workers to still be here.

You drive into your spacious driveway and slowly get out. You walk into your house, taking about a minute to unlock the door. When you walk inside it is quiet and empty. Your mom must've left for a special appointment or something. You haul yourself upstairs to your room to find everything in place. The only difference is that it smells like Gamzee. Not like that's a problem. He smells sweet. You lie down on your bed, grab your pillow, and inhale deeply. His smell is lingering like he was here just a few minutes ago. You hate to admit it, but you really do like feeling like he is here. You decide it would be a good idea to take a nap. You are sick and tired so your bed feels light and airy. You fall asleep with a content smile on your face.


	10. He's Online

**A/N Hey everyone, sorry about no update for so long! Some of you are aware of how I was gone camping but not all of my readers are, but the story is I was gone from any technology for days and came back without ideas! After talking to a friend of mine about her story I got some ideas and I think this chapter is pretty well written. Most of it was written in one sitting though so it is not all thought out.**

**P.S. Also another warning, I'm still uncomfortable writing certain words so the NSFW section of this chapter is not very well written and mostly happens in one or two paragraphs. Please understand that I'm pretty young and have my own troubles facing things. Writing certain yucky words is one of them. (I tried my freakin' hardest to make it sound correct though.)**

**P.P.S. This chapter is focused on TavrosXVriska so if it's not your favorite ship then I'm sorry. I don't even know how I'm going to end this fic so I'm just going to change the relationships to what the last chapter includes. Thank you for waiting so long.**

* * *

You wake up after meaningless dreams to your lighted room. It is warm today and seems nice enough to go outside. The leaves are scattered around the ground. Your neighbor's yards seem spotless aside from the giant piles of leaves and you hear the quiet hum of the wind as you open your window. It feels nice and truthfully a little chilling but you will not complain. It is a beautiful day and you want to use it.

You put on some blue jeans and a white shirt then scamper out of your room. You are only to be interrupted by your mother screaming over the phone. You sigh and walk quietly down the stairs, close enough to overhear what she is saying. Something about not wanting to attend to a certain customer, so you move on and ignore her. You walk into the kitchen and put two pieces of toast into the toaster. You are pretty happy today but still have the sense to not over-eat.

While waiting for them to pop right back up, you sneak into the bathroom past your mom without making a sound. Carefully you put pink lipstick on. Usually you use the usual dark blue, so this will show off how happy you are today. You might have an extremely over dramatic life but you won't let that bring you down forever. Why not enjoy something for once?

You admit, two amazing guys are fawning over you and you guess you are flattered. Despite how you feel about two fabulous men being in love with you, the feeling of guilt for not being to return either of their affections drowns out the good feelings.

You grab your finished toast and stuff it into your mouth as you sit down at your computer. It's still pretty early despite having to take a morning nap. Usually no one is on but someone's icon is lit up. You focus your glasses to be able to read it and see that John is online. Usually he sleeps until noon for your time zone so this is surprising. You quickly click his username and start typing with joy.

"Well LOOK who is online today!"

"hey Vriska :)"

"Why are you up so early? You gonna go something special today?"

"rose told me that it would be good if I got up for once"

"..Rose? ::::I" You reply slowly and frown. You know he used to have something for her so you hope the feelings aren't coming back. You dislike that stupid rich girl. She has the money to fly from place to place every year. She recently moved back where John is before school started. She was here all summer to be with Kanaya. She is so stuck up and sassy. You really do hate her.

"yeah I know you two don't get along but I hope this is okay with you!"

"Oh yeah of course this is okay with me. 8e free and do what you want to. ::::I"

"awesome!" You sigh and stare at the screen without replying for a long time. You just stare with a sad look in your eyes. He is so cute and you wish that he would notice you. Obviously the relationship wouldn't work out well because you live across the country from each other, but you really wish that he would at least pay attention to you.

"…vriska? Are you still there?" John types slowly causing you to quickly sit up and put your hands back on the keyboard.

"Yeah! Yeah… Sorry. I'm a little tired today."

"oh you should go back to sleep then! You try so hard to be a good friend for me, so you deserve it! :)"

You sigh and frown as you type your reply. "May8e…"

"what's wrong? You seemed in a better mood at the start of our conversation."

"You should go on your d8." You reply furiously. Bright red spreads across your face with anger. He doesn't understand you at all!

"come on Vriska, what's wrong?

"J8hn please!"

"what?"

"You're m8king me feel 8ad."

"bad?"

"Yeah! G8d you don't underst8nd!"

"whatever Vriska. You're acting weird today. Are you always like this in the morning?"

"Actually no. This never happens. I hope that makes you think a 8it."

You shut your laptop before he can reply. John is such an airhead. He can't understand no matter how hard you try to point him in the right direction. You told him that you like him once. He probably doesn't even remember. Rose got in an accident when that happened so he was probably too busy to see your heartfelt confession of love. What a jerk…

Before you can be even more furious your mother stomps out of the nearby room to see you sitting on the couch with your hair in a mess. She pats your head and your stare at her with a confused expression. She looks really stressed and just walks out of the front door with a slam. You look out the window to see her drive off quickly. You wonder what that was about.

After a few minutes you open your laptop again. Maybe you should say you're sorry because seriously that just wasn't nice of you. He is still online but when you try to say something he logs off. Coincidence or on purpose, you won't know. But he doesn't come back on. You'll be fine. He can go have his date; you won't freak out about it. It's not like he could hang out with you!

You look at the nearby clock. It's almost 9:30 and you sigh. Maybe you should've slept longer. You HAD to be sleeping for at least a few hours so Karkat and Kanaya must've gotten up pretty quickly. You for a fact know that Kanaya is only comfortable if awake before 7 so she must've pulled Karkat into that habit also. You might've read the clock wrong when leaving her house, but you swear it was going onto 6 am.

Before your thoughts can continue you hear the annoying ring of your computer. Someone is pestering you and you wonder if John decided to come back. When you finally open the window you see that Tav wants to talk to you. Today is a very strange day indeed; John was online really early, You are sick after staying the night at a friend's house that you haven't visited in years, and Tavros "Never Come Online" Nitram is pestering you.

"vRISKA PLEASE ANSWER ME,"

"What do you want?"

"dON'T COME OVER TO GAMZEE'S TODAY,"

"I can't anyway. I'm sick. Dork."

"oH, uH," He takes a while to finish the sentence. "dO YOU WANT HELP?"

"Oh my god. I'm fine, please leave me alone."

"bUT VRISKA," You log off before he can continue but you can see that he still is typing. Is it really THAT important to leave you something to look at later? "i'M GOING TO COME OVER."

You slam your head on the desk and practically start bleeding. You cannot handle this little dork coming over and taking care of you when you are sick. He doesn't understand how this sickness is probably from stress, which is partly his fault!

You close your laptop and begin to fall asleep on your couch. You never noticed, but it's so comfortable. "Aaaaaaaah," you sigh out loud as you stretch. Your jeans are uncomfortable for sleeping but you are too lazy to change out of them, so you just take them off. It's not like Tavros would just barge into your house without permission. Well, he did the other day, but he won't do it again! …Hopefully…

You fall asleep feeling very comfortable and stretch your limbs out in all directions. Your last thought it about how life is good but you later are half-awakened by pounding on your door. "VRISKA! VRISKA ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?!" You close your eyes again and shift into a more comfortable place before falling into deep sleep again. He will go away soon enough.

After what seems like only 10 seconds you wake up again to find Tavros staring at you all red. He is struggling to walk closer to you but keeps stepping away again and trying to breathe correctly. You guess he must not be used to seeing beautiful girls in cute panties. You laugh at that thought. He hasn't even noticed that you are awake yet.

You stand up to look at him correctly. He looks like he rushed here quickly and you sigh because you probably look like a total mess. Your hair in knots, wearing the loosest fitting shirt that you own, and not even wearing pants to cover yourself. As you sigh he opens his eyes to see you standing right in front of him. His mouth immediately opens and he is mumbling random sounds as he tries to form a correct sentence.

He is just a little taller than you now. You guess that the doctors didn't want to make him seem short anymore. He has always been at people's waist so he must feel nice to be taller than some people. But now he is shrugging back as he tries to get a hold of himself. You end up having to put your arms on his shoulders and shake him a little. He finally calms down enough to function correctly.

"H-hi Vriska," He says shyly in a very quiet tone. "I came to make sure that you are, uh, okay."

You give him a small smile and pat his head. "I don't need anyone to take care of me." Your voice is much softer than usual because you don't want to strain your throat. You have a headache and with him being here doesn't help much, but at least you know he won't do anything too stupid. He decides to do something smart and lead you to your room. "I'm, uh, going to get you some water."

You are too energetic to want to sit down, but your body is screaming at you. You ignore it and keep standing; except that is all you do, just stand. He finally comes back and frowns after putting the glass on your nightstand. "You should, uh, rest Vriska."

You frown back at him in reply. "I don't want to."

"Vriska you should,"

"But I don't want to."

"But I think it would be a, uh, good idea."

"BUT I DON'T WANT TO."

He stops talking and all the embarrassment he had before seems to go away as he grabs your shoulders and tries to push you. Despite being a little unbalanced you are able to continue standing.

Tavros frowns even more and tries to push you again. You continue standing after struggling to catch yourself before you fall. You push him back and he stumbles a little. You smirk at him as he regains his balance and he glares in return. You both start to mess around as you fail to push each other. He is too weak normally and you are too sick. You are smiling at each other and both start to laugh.

Finally you sit down and he sits next to you. He seems a little exhausted. "I'm not, uh, used to these legs yet." You laugh at him. "Yeah, I can tell." And then before you both can catch a breath you find your lips pressed against his. Neither of you seem to know who started it so with your breathing in sync you both sigh into the kiss.

His lips aren't very soft and really need to be better taken care of, so you shift a little with discomfort. Despite that though, it is a really nice kiss. You both wrap your arms around each other at the same time and you are the first to dare him to use his tongue by slightly opening your mouth. Without hesitation his tongue is intertwined with yours and you are both moving at a steady pace.

You start to crawl into him, causing him to fall backwards and you both take a moment to break off the kiss and stare at each other. You both seemed surprised and he whispers gently. "Are you, uh, sure you want to do this?" You blush deeply and so does he in return as you mumble in reply. "Yeah…"

You are both kissing again immediately. He moved his body onto the bed completely because it was very uncomfortable for both of you before that. Both of your legs are around him and you are both breathing loudly. Sweat starts to roll down both of your face as his starts being more aggressive with his tongue. He tastes incredibly nice. You can't really explain it, but it's just so much more different from how Gamzee felt with you. You feel your mind going numb.

"Vriska I'm, uh, going to move." He says when sliding out from underneath you. You watch him as he motions for you to lie down and you do. For a moment you think he is going to walk away but he quickly puts himself over you as if changing his mind. The need in his eyes is overwhelming and you just smile in return. "You're going to get sick." You say as he comes in for another kiss.

He shakes his head and you both lock your fingers together. Again you feel like you are back in middle school, except everything went the way you wanted it to. But then you think about John again and stay perfectly still. Instantly Tavros notices and moves his face away to look at you. Your expression is sad and lost. You almost look like you are going to cry.

Tavros hugs you quickly which surprises you. "Don't be, uh, sad Vriska," He says quietly. "We don't have to do this if you, uh, don't want to." You shake your head in return. "Than what's wrong?" He says in an unsure tone.

"It's nothing Tav." You say as a smile begins to return to your face. He is so warm.

"Are you sure?" He says as gently letting you lie back down.

"Yeah." You say with a smile.

He begins kissing you again and you feel kind of happy. No, you actually feel extremely happy. Tavros fucking Nitram is kissing you. Even though he is a total dork, you bet all girls who know him imagine a relationship with him. He is the sweetest and cutest and greatest guy to ever exist. Plus he is insanely loveable. He is like a little stuffed animal that all the little girls want. He is one of a kind and everyone wants him without letting anyone else touch even one hair on his little head. Sadly because of you he is kind of scared of girls.

You are again sinking into his kiss and push him a little when his hands slide to your hips. He is surprised and stops kissing you again. His eyes are wide and he looks like he is going to cry as he whispers "Sorry…" You feel bad because you didn't mean to push him away. You are just a little scared after what Gamzee did.

Before he can try to get off you grab his hands. You take a deep breath and lay them on your breasts. He trembles and turns all dark red. "I'm sorry. I'm just not used to this." You say as he struggles to reply. He squeezes you gently and you breathe deeply. You close your eyes as he begins experimenting. He has obviously no experience with the female body.

You let out a little moan when he slides his thumbs over where your nipples are. He seems surprised and you open your eyes to look at him. His eyes are wide and he doesn't seem to know if he did something good or bad so you give him the okay by sliding your shirt off. He turns a brighter red as he looks down at your dark blue bra and panties.

Before you can move his hands for him, he sets them back on your breasts. You smile at him a bit. He is being very gentle despite how he is experimenting. He is looking down at his hands fondle you and you let out little sighs as he tries to find more sensitive spots, yet there isn't much. He realizes this soon enough and looks up at you as if asking you to tell him what to do next.

You smile at him and take off your bra. He is probably too embarrassed to do anything else. Plus you are testing him a bit to see how far he will exactly go. He continues touching you softly and you wiggle underneath him. He looks at you again and lowers himself a bit. His lips come in contact to you and you start to tremble. He starts to lick now.

You wiggle and moan very quietly. He is still very gentle with you and it feels like static is going through your body. His tongue moves around you and his breath is gentle against you. His tongue is very soft and one of his hands slowly slides down your body. You moan gently and he moves away from you.

His eyes meet with yours and you blush as he kisses you softly. "Tavros… Are you positive you want to do this with me?" He looks at you shyly and smiles gently. "Y-yeah."

He sits down next to you and you sit up. You hug him softly and look at him. "Vriska, uh, what now…?" His face is bright red as he speaks. "Whatever you would like to do…" You say in reply. He clears his throat and scoots closer to you. His lips are against yours again and soon enough he finds himself with his shirt off.

You nip at his neck gently as you unbutton his pants. He turns dark red as you run your hand along the bulge in his boxers. You can't help but to ask. "Does… Does it even work?" You look up at him while waiting for his reply.

His eyes widen a bit and he nods quickly while turning redder and redder. In reply you start to take off his boxers. He gasps as he realizes. You give him a smile and gently put your hands around him. He looks at you with extreme shyness. You softly stroke it and he lets out moans. You laugh at how sensitive he is and kiss him. He moans into your mouth and you feel him tremble with each stroke.

"V-Vriska…" He moans out with a muffled tone into your mouth. The pace of your hand quickens and you can feel him breathe harder. "Vriska!" He yells out after breaking the kiss. "W-wait!" He moans with a pleading tone. You stop your hand but leave it holding onto him. His breathing sky-rockets and he closes his eyes tightly. "Vri..!" His moans are cut off by you kissing him. He practically screams into your mouth as he cannot hold it any longer. You feel warmth all over your stomach and break the kiss and let go of him. His breathing slows as a look of relief comes onto his face.

His eyes open again after laying back to relax and let himself go back to normal. His eyes open to see you with signs of what happened scattered all over your stomach. He turns red yet again and sits up, putting his arms on your shoulder. "Oh my gosh, I'm, uh, sorry. I didn't mean to…"

You shake your head and kiss him gently. You both silently agree that you shouldn't do anything more. Tavros puts his clothes back on and looks back at you before he leaves you room. "Are you, uh, going to be okay?" You grin at him. "Of course I'll be fine," You say as you stand up and make your way across the room to stand next to him. "I'll call you if I need any 'extra help'." His face instantly turns red again as you tease him and he quickly walks out. You watch him through your half-opened door and hear him drive away.

You look down at yourself and decide to make your way to the bathroom. You turn the shower on after removing the one piece of clothing left on you and get to work on cleaning yourself. When you are done you are perfectly clean but your room still has a lingering smell of Tavros' sweat. It is kind of revolting and nice at the same time. You stand there wondering if you should get an air freshener or not. You decide that it's probably the best idea so your mom won't be able to tell that anything happened.

Unable to stop thinking about what happened, you lay down on your bed to think things over. You can't believe it. You feel like it was a dream but you could feel his breath and hear his screams and see his non-muscular body as you pleased him. You find it kind of funny as you don't feel any regret for it happening. It's not like you did anything too extreme. Yeah, okay, it was pretty extreme in relativity but at least you didn't lose your virginity.

All you know is that you will be thinking about this forever.


	11. Panic

**A/N This chapter is pretty in depth about the way people with built-up stress can react. I based this off of one of my own experiences so I hope it seems realistic. I also checked this afterwards to see if what I wrote was correct and most of it is.**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and thank you for reading!**

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You wake up again facing your clock. You don't remember falling asleep so this takes you by surprise. Your throat is dry and you reach for the glass of water next to you and almost choke on it as you realize that none of the things that happened before were in a dream. It was all real and this glass of water is enough to confirm it. Or at least to confirm that he was here.

You touch your lips and sigh. It is about 12:15 and you should be calling Gamzee to call off the study session. You would probably be too scared to go anyway because of what just happened. You quickly get dressed again and walk down stairs. You don't want to wait for you so you decide to get your computer and see if he is online.

Just your luck, he is on. The icon claims that he is busy but you might be able to talk to him for a moment. "Gamzee." You type. "I'm sick and I don't think that I will 8e a8le to go help you today. Sorry ::::("

You receive no reply so are just left to hope that he sees it. You don't want to annoy him by calling so you leave your computer on and wait for a reply. You scroll through the internet. Nothing really interests you. All of the popular websites are boring to you so you are scrolling for neat pictures on a website that Dave uses often. You two don't talk often but both have an interest in photography; well, it's a hobby for him. When he wants a good critic he comes to you.

You start to doodle a character that is based on the character you made up in middle school. You would roleplay and dress as her along with Terezi who would do the same with her own character. You and Pyrope ended those silly games a long time ago but you always find yourself drawing your character when you had nothing interesting in front of you.

You almost scream when a loud ring comes from your computer. Quickly you check the message that turns out to be Gamzee's reply. "Aw mAn. MoThErFuCk. I WaS LoOkInG FoRwArD To sEeInG YoU AgAiN SiS ;)" You blush a bit and reply as slowly as you can if you decide to rearrange something in your sentence. "Uh, Yeah. I don't really know what the sickness is, 8ut my guess is that its stress related."

"I SeRiOuSlY WaNtEd tO Go aLl aNd pArTy wItH My fAvOrItE BlUe gAl."

"Yeah I know, 8ut I don't think I can see anyone for the next couple days."

"WhAt aBoUt tAvBrO? i'm pReTtY SuRe hE WaS HeAdInG YoUr wAy eArLiEr. WhEn hE CaMe bAcK He sEeMeD PrEtTy eXhAuStEd."

A shiver goes down your back and you decide to lie. You don't want them to fight or anything. "Tavros? Oh no he didn't stop over. Well, he might've, I was sleeping all day though." You nod as you think that is a believable excuse. You are still pretty tired, being sick and all.

"YoU FuCkInG SuRe? He sEeMeD eMbArRaSsEd ToO."

Quickly you come up with another excuse. "I was sleeping on my couch with the curtains open. It's extremely possi8le that he could've seen me sleeping half-naked." That is actually true. Anyone could've seen you. Even some creep on the street could've been staring at you without you knowing. You don't like thinking about that though.

"Aw mAn, ToO BaD I MiSsEd oUt oN ThAt. ;o)"

"Shut up." You type with a bit of anger mixed in with embarrassment.

"WeLl wHaTeVeR I'Ll lIvE AnOtHeR DaY WiThOuT YoU HeLpInG Me."

He logs off before you reply and you sigh with relief. He was pretty suspicious despite that the chance of going in your direction and thinking he was immediately here is unlikely. It DID happen but Gamzee didn't know about you being sick until now, or did he?

You feel your stomach churn as you keep thinking about what happened before. Or maybe it is because you are feeling sicker and sicker by the minute. The memory is extremely vivid and you still don't know how to feel about it. You never really expected anything like that to happen, let alone with TAVROS. Your cheeks start burning hot and you curse at yourself. You shouldn't feel like this for Tavros or Gamzee. The guy of your dreams will never fall for you. Love really can hurt someone. You never really realized it any time before this, but now it all makes sense.

"Blarg." You say out loud. You take off your glasses in an attempt to stop focusing on the memory. You do not like feeling like this one bit. Suddenly a knock is heard from your door. You groan and practically limp your way to the door and open it, leaning against the doorway. "Uh, hey." A familiar voice says but without your glasses on you have to guess who it is. The figure is blurry but you immediately know who it is.

"Tav?" You say out loud. You really didn't expect this. "I, uh, want to um," He turns bright red and looks away from you only to stare at his feet. "I want to apologize for what happened, uh, before…" You are shocked. You really didn't expect those words to come from his mouth either. You are left just staring at him tiredly and swaying slightly from trying to stay up right. He continues after waiting for a reply and not receiving one. "I mean, um, I'm just REALLY sorry and I, uh, hope that you can forgive me. It was really… um… stupid and I hope you aren't getting, uh, stressed out about it or anything. Um, yeah…"

You open your mouth lazily to say something but can't really process what you are trying to say or where the conversation is going. "Tavros… Ya don't have to be sorry about anything." Your language is slurred as you try to speak. "Its life an' all that." You are practically falling over by now. You didn't realize how tired you are. "Hehehe." A stupid giggle escapes from your lips and your mind is extremely fogged.

He stares at you like you're insane. "Vriska? Uh, are you okay?" He asks you with a worried tone yet you feel a little too out of it to reply correctly. "Ehehehehehe." You again let out a stupid giggle and he seems even more concerned. "Tav you are so cute." You walk closer to him (or attempt to) and end up falling against him. He holds you with confusion. "Vriska I think you need to rest…" He tells you while holding you by the shoulders so you do not fall over.

You don't really know what is happening but next thing you know you are on your couch. You are leaning on Tavros like he is made for holding you up. "Tav come here." You say with an idiotic tone. "I'm, uh, already here Vriska." He pats your head which causes another giggle to escape from your mouth. You hug him lazily. "Ya know who I love?" You ask him with a smile on your face and you sniffle in an attempt to clear your nose. "W-who?" Tavros asks with a scared tone. You laugh again before responding. "I don't even know anymore. Hehe. There's Tav and Gam who both adore me and John who will never fall for a screw-up like me. Hahaha." You laugh again and he stares at you with a sad expression.

"Vriska you are not a, uh, screw-up." He pats your back gently and you start to frown. "Yeah I am. Heheh. I'm a burden on everyone around me." You don't even know what you're saying anymore but you feel tears pricking at your eyes. You try to close them and make it stop but you just keep crying. You keep laughing also. By now Tavros is practically freaking out. He doesn't really know what is happening either. But you are much dizzier than earlier. You would question it but your head hurts and your eyes sting and your body is moving with each breath like you are going to pass out.

Tavros pushes you off of him gently and forces you to lie down. Now that you cannot feel his warmth you feel like he is not even there. You are dizzy and feel like you are going to vomit. You are tired and want to sleep but you have already slept too much today. You feel like you are going to die except these are common stress-related symptoms and these kinds of things happen to a lot of people. You try to calm down and relax by breathing slowly but you just can't.

Tavros looks like he is practically having a panic attack. He quickly grabs your hand and leads you up to your room. He tucks you in and tries to get you to speak. "Vriska please be alright. Please just tell me that everything is okay." His hand is on your shoulder and your breathing starts to slow. The feeling of loneliness is starting to fade and you manage to speak behind the tears streaming down your face. "Don't leave."

His eyes grow wide and he nods quickly. "As long as that will help you." He puts his warm and caring arms around you. You keep crying but at least the worst of how you felt is gone, for now. A loud sound echoes throughout your house suddenly. You don't know what it is but you start to panic again as Tavros stands up and walks out of the room. He says something to you but you cannot understand him. All you know is that you are left alone in your room now. You curl up your already shaking body and cry. You cry and cry and cry.

Your whimpers can be heard throughout the house and Tavros has trouble moving away from you. You don't know what he is doing or where he is going but all you can focus on is how he left you right after promising to stay. You don't know what you meant by telling him to not leave, in the 'here' or 'always' sense, but you think you just need him now. Or anyone. This feeling is the hardest thing you have had to face before.

You hear the echo of someone walking upstairs. It makes you quiet down a little but your tears continue. To your surprise it is not Tavros who opens the door, but Gamzee. He looks mad and hurt. But his expression instantly changes when he sees you curled up into the smallest shape you can create and he can hear your whimpers and cries. He looked as if he was about to yell at you but now all he can do is stare.

His stares do not help you. In fact they make you feel like you are a freak. Your sad expression is morphed into an intense glare which causes even more tears to fall from your eyes. The sick feeling grows more painful as you feel your emotions change in a split second. Gamzee looks terrified and so does Tavros when he runs in. The two make eye-contact for a few seconds. They look as if they are talking with body language. Gamzee looks like he wants to kill him but is worried at the same time and Tavros looks like he is going to lie down and cry next to you.

You don't even realize that you are speaking until halfway through. "I'm worthless and all I cause are problems. If I wasn't here you two would be happy and so would John. My mother would be less stressed and…" You stop yourself and your expression is again back to extreme pain and sadness. The two stare at you again and you hold your stomach with pain. Your head aches harder and your stomach keeps threatening the rest of your body. Pained sounds escape from your lips and the two run over to you. Before you know it you are practically screaming. The emotions bottled within you of longing and heartbreak that have been collected over the years are released for your two best friends to see. They are horrified.


	12. Fighting

You received so many hugs and compliments and even kisses on the cheek that you think you will be okay for another 10 years. It was almost like the two were fighting over you in a competition to see who could make you happier. You don't know who won because you feel equally happy with both.

You still don't know what the deal is with Gamzee but he doesn't seem to want to talk about it. All you know is when you try to ask he gets really weird. Tavros is also confused about it so you think Gamzee might be the only one who really understands what is going on between all of us.

Right now you are receiving a BIG hug from the two of them. Gamzee on your left and Tavros on your right. You feel a lot better and keep telling them that you are okay but they just won't let go. Finally after a long time of poking at, Gamzee tells you why he was upset.

"Well, ya' see, Vris here told me that no one stopped by and I was all up and thinkin' how sad and lonely that sounds, so I drove up over. To my surprise I was greeted by motherfuckin' Tavbro over here and I got all upset and shit. I guess I fuckin' overreacted but I had no idea how long he was here." Gamzee speaks while scratching his head. You look over to see Tavros staring at you, when he notices you returning the look he quickly turns red and looks away from you.

"Uh, well, I wasn't here very long…" Tavros says quietly. He decides to tell the truth while leaving out that he was here earlier, which was a good idea. You get a little dizzy again as you think about what happened earlier. If I wasn't for the arms around you they might've noticed it and got all upset again. Tavros presses his cheek against yours and sighs only loud enough for you to hear. You don't really know how to feel about where you are now. The story has been explained enough times, but now you are in a hug sandwich between these two. Used for comfort to yourself and the other two considering that they are not in the mood to touch recently.

You look back and forth at each of them. They both seem to be enjoying the long hug they have given you. The sweet aromas of each of them pinch at your nose and it is almost hard to be there. You feel like you're missing another sweet smell to compliment the others but you shouldn't mention it because you have never even seen a real and moving Egbert that is not on webcam.

You wiggle a bit uncomfortably when the two of them try to gain dominance. As in, they try to pull you closer to themselves than the other. You feel them both tugging at you which ways, which is very uncomfortable. You lift your arms in a struggle to make them stop but they quickly re-attach to the rest of your body. They are practically clawing into your ribs and you softly whisper ow over and over with increasing volume to each time you are pulled harder. Gamzee is stronger but Tavros knows the spots to hold that will help him.

"You guys please stop." You say in an uncomfortable tone. Their grips soften but the competition is still continuing. They both start to laugh at each other and you are left to be uncomfortable. In the course of laughing you feel something entering the back of your shirt without permission. You feel Gamzee's fingers crawl up and down your back which makes you turn red and glare at him. He replies with a grin that causes Tavros to look at him confused.

You attempt to hit him but he grabs your arm. "Stop it Gamzee." You frown at him. He stops moving his hand but leaves it there on the curve of your lower back. Tavros is now glaring at Gamzee. He looks at you and realizes that you seem to be moving your back uncomfortably and sees his hand shoved up your shirt. "Gamzee that's, uh, sexual harassment."

"Hehe. Sexual harassment, huh?" Gamzee points out how Tavros is turning much redder than you are. "You're the one who looks like he's being motherfuckin' harassed." Tavros frowns. "So what, I'm, uh, embarrassed to see you being so rude."

"Don't tell me you've never touched Vriska's motherfuckin' nice body, Tavros?"

"W-well, uh…"

"Well what the motherfuck does that mean?"

"You are causing me to, uh, be uncomfortable! Please refrain from, uh, doing that."

"Uncomfortable? Why don't you give her a go, Tav?"

"Vriska is, uh, not something that you play with! She has feelings too ya' know." After Tavros says this you smile at him as thanks because it leads to Gamzee taking his hands off of you. Gamzee grumpily mutters something that neither of you can understand. After that little argument, both of them decide to let go of you.

Their tugging has finally stopped and your body moves up and down with your breath out of relief. You straighten out your shirt and discover that both Tavros and Gamzee and watching your smooth movements. Both of their eyes follow you even with the slightest twitch and it is flattering at first but the only way to make them stop is to look back at them directly. This moment is awkward beyond belief. They both look around to find something else to focus on until their eyes land on you again. You end up trying to start a conversation. At least that will take the awkward away. Yet your voice is a little hard to hear after that hug break down so you decide to speak softly. "So how are you two today?"

Tavros immediately turns all red and you hear him gulp without an answer. As Tavros fades into the dark corners of his mind, Gamzee looks at you with a smile on his face like he is the perfect little thing that he seems to be. "Well I just got my motherfuckin' dance on today. I heard the sickest song today and had to bust a move." You giggle at Gamzee. He is always good at making topics to talk about, despite how weird they are.

"Yeah? That sounds a lot more interesting than lying in bed all day." Tavros glances at you at that comment and you look back at him. He lowers his head with embarrassment. "What about _you _Tavros? Have you done anything special today?" You start to poke fun at him.

"N-n-no! Of course not! Why would I be, uh, doing something special? Was I, um, supposed to do something special today? No? Good." He quickly tries to escape the question. You laugh underneath your breath at him. Your eyes meet Gamzee's and he has a smile on his face. He is probably thinking about what you told him earlier about how he could've 'peeked' at you. "Come on, motherfucker, you went somewhere today. I saw you drive off bro. You keepin' secrets?"

Tavros forces his frown into a really awkward smile. "No of course not! I, uh, was off to, um… To get something from the store! Yeah…" Gamzee's smile widens. "Hehe, yeah fuckin' right man you came back with no shit. You looked like you saw a motherfuckin' ghost."

"I forgot what I, uh, needed when I got there…"

"Pssh yeah sure Tavbro."

"I'm, uh, serious!"

"I can tell you're lyin' bro, but whatever, all bros got secrets."

"But I'm not lying!"

"Wow bro you sure are workin' hard to lie about this. It's alright, motherfucker. Vris here told me what happened."

You watch Tavros as his eyes go wide and his face turns all red. Before he can say something about what really happened you blurt in. "Well, I'm not positive that he saw me through the window. Maybe it's too early to jump to conclusions."

Tavros is stunned. He calms down after you say that and looks down embarrassed. Then with the sweetest voice he can mutter up be pretends to confess. "O-oh. Um. Yeah… I'm sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to."

Gamzee laughs at him. "See bro, it wasn't that motherfuckin' hard. It's not like anything major happened between you two or anythin'." Tavros is all red again at that statement and clears his throat before trying not to stutter too much while talking. "U-u-u-um w-w-well it s-seems that I u-um overreacted..."

While Tavros is the worst person at keeping a secret ever, you are sitting perfectly still and not breaking your amazing straight face. The most you do is laugh at Tavros now and then. He ends up getting so awkward and uncomfortable that he excuses himself to your bathroom. Before he leaves he asks where it is and you direct him. You close the door behind him and are startled when Gamzee locks it. "Gamzee? That's not nice, he will be locked out." You complain.

"Who cares?" Gamzee says. You turn around to complain more about how you just regained his friendship and all of that but you are cut off by a kiss. You can hear him let out little laughs when you try to break free from his strong grip and he just continues kissing you. He stops to let you breathe but doesn't loosen his grip around you. "M-M-Makara! Why did you do that?!" You scream at him in protest. He just gives you a wide grin.

Again his warm lips lock with yours you struggle but soon enough sink into the kiss. You lose control of your limbs and become stiff. He laughs into your mouth again as you let him go at it. He lets go of you and stops kissing you again. You stare at him and put your arms around him to kiss him again. "You fucker…" You whisper as he starts to return the kiss. His tongue begins trying to push into your mouth as the words sink in. You let him do as he pleases by opening your lips the tiniest bit.

His arms coil around you once again and pull you tightly by the waist. His taste and scent is delicious and you want to feel it forever, but your thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. "U-um guys. I can't open the door." You start to struggle against Gamzee now by pushing him away but his grip is too tight around you. "Mffff!" You scream into his mouth while struggling to break free.

"V-Vriska?" You hear Tavros as you continue you make noises. You didn't want to do it, but you result in biting Gamzee's tongue. Not hard enough to bleed or anything, but enough to make him back away. "God dammit…" He whispers while realizing the pain. Before he can lash onto you again, you unlock the door and Tavros busts through. He sees you backing away from Gamzee and in reply he glares.

"Wh- Gamzee what did you do?" Tavros stares at him with surprise. This is the first time you have heard him talk to Gamzee normally all day. Gamzee doesn't reply and just starts walking towards you again. "Gamzee stop. What happened? We can, uh, talk about this, right?" He looks at you frantically and stands between you and him. "I don't know what is going on, but, uh, please don't hurt each other."

Gamzee's face lightens to Tavros but he continues glaring at you. You hear him muttering to himself swear words. Tavros tries to understand what is happening but realizes as he sees your lipstick smeared all over him. "G-Gamzee! Did you... Did you try to do something to Vriska without permission?" Gamzee frowns in reply and uses his arm to get the smeared pink off of his lips. "Gamzee, she isn't in good health, why would you even do something like that in general?" Tavros crosses his arms and frowns at Gamzee. It isn't very intimidating though considering how much taller Gamzee is.

"You don't fuckin' understand Tavbro, that little lady is just so hard to resist." He laughs softly and smiles. You like Gamzee and all but Tavros is right. You are still sick and actually feel kind of dizzy after all that struggling. You lean against the wall to seem to be fine though. There is enough drama now as is. "No, I do 'fucking' understand. You can't just do that without permission though, Gamzee."

"What, it's not like you've tried this girl when she's cowering on your bed terrified. What a fuckin' drama queen. Everyone sees that fuckin' lust in your eyes, Vris." He looks at you and you glare in reply. You really don't want to hear them discuss this but you might faint if you attempt to leave.

"What?! You've done this before?!" Tavros raises his voice and Gamzee frowns.

Then his frown turns into a smile. "Oh, yes. She said no allowed but trust me fucker, she wanted me to fuck her beyond belief."

Tavros glances back at you as if hurt. "What? You've actually done something like that?"

Gamzee laughs. "No, but I got damn close. If only you hadn't shown up right before I could take those slutty panties off of her."

"W-what did you do?" Tavros turns slightly red while asking.

"Hehe, looks like you are curious motherfucker."

"Answer me Gamzee."

"Just a little forced play to see her jump with fear. She's awfully fucking cute when you try to touch her breasts. And when you get a knee into action…" Gamzee cuts himself off with a laugh. "Fuckin' bitch tried to lie to me and said how it was 'wrong'."

"You forced yourself on her, Gamzee. S-she willingly let me do what I wanted!" Tavros slams his hand against his mouth after he realizes what he let slip out. He looks back at you and you start to turn red.

Gamzee stares at you and him in amazement and then starts laughing again. "Haha! Fucker, you really think that means anything? I doubt you even pleased her one bit."

"Actually, I'm pretty positive that I did. R-right Vriska?" He looks back at you along with Gamzee. They both await your reply and you slowly nod.

"Pfft, whatever bro. Did you get her to move her hips with lust like I did?" He laughs as if he has already won and Tavros frowns again.

"Not really, but she got me to." You turn all red at this statement and Gamzee glares at you.

"Oh fucking really?"

"Y-yeah."

"Whatever you piece of shit. I'm not going to waste my energy on this." Gamzee begins walking towards the door and then turns back and winks at you before leaving. "The bar has been raised, I'll get you to play with me too next time Serket."

As he leaves you slide down the wall. You are exhausted from this extra emotional stress and your cheeks are actually starting to flush out of feeling feverish now. It isn't nearly as bad as earlier but you should lie down. Tavros notices this and helps you up to your bed.

"I'm sorry Vriska…"


	13. The First Encounter

**A/N Oh my gosh, you guys. I'm SO sorry about not updating! I've been without internet for about a week now and we finally got it all straightened out today. I was working on the story when gone though, so do not work! I will post the next chapter or so probably tonight and the next few most likely tomorrow. I still have to go through everything to make sure that I didn't make any stupid mistakes.**

**Thank you for the reviews also! I really appreciate it.**

**P.S. I'm sorry but I'm changing the ship AGAIN! I was planning on making this exotic with Vris and Gam because it isn't very common for the most part, but then I was thinking about Tavros and I changed it. But now I am bringing in the fact that John still exists and I'm really sorry aaaaaah.**

**If you don't like JohnVris than I am so sorry.**

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You start to drift asleep as you are in the comfort of your bed. You can feel Tavros whipping the smeared lipstick off of your face with the sleeve of his jacket and can't help but to smile. He hugs you once more before starting to say goodbye. "B-bye, Vriska…" You want to tell him to stay but decide it would probably be better for both of you if he didn't. He would have to sit through hours of your sleeping if he stayed anyway.

"Bye, Tav." You mumble and watch tiredly as he turns his head towards you once more and waving before he closes the door on his way out. Your mother should be home any minute now and she still didn't believe you when you called her earlier about being sick. This will be a long night for sure. But for now, you will sleep.

Your body seems to be lifted up when you drift away into your dreams. This dream features beautiful scenery with green trees, warm air, and the echo of water in the background. You already like this dream. Birds are fluttering past you while singing beautiful songs as you stand up. You decide to explore, starting with going towards the sound of water. Judging by the current look of this place you are assuming there is going to be a corny waterfall/spring thing where you are going. Romantic places like these always feature something like that in the movies.

You can hear the echo of running water behind a group of bushes and you push yourself through without thinking about it at all. Before you is a breath-taking image of a spring. It is absolutely beautiful and no one is to be found. You do exactly what all the stupid girls in animes do and hop in after quickly taking your clothes off. The water is shallow, reaching just above your hips. It is very warm and refreshing. If this goes how every anime does, you will end up being peeked at, but you really don't care. It is just too nice to not enjoy. Plus it's a dream, it's not like anything will actually happen.

You lean back on the side of the spring after sitting down to relax. You let out a deep sigh with relief and think about how it would be nice if this actually happened. But you've never been to a hot spring in your life, you aren't even sure if there are any existing in the state. You decide to enjoy this mind trick while it lasts though.

You set your glasses on the dry ground close to you and lay back, getting as comfortable as you can. The water is so very warm and you want to stay in it forever. It's hard to explain how such realistic feelings could come from a dream, but it sure is nice. You hear the anticipated rustling of the bushes around you and whisper underneath your breath. "Oh jeez, way to be extremely obvious, dream. Even people who I've never talked to would know that this was bound to happen."

As the rustling continues around you, in reply you open one eye and glance in the direction that the sounds are coming from. You wonder who it will be, either someone you are very close with or someone who you've never seen before. That's how these kinds of dreams usually go. To your surprise (not really), it is someone who you know very well. Well, you know him in a sense. But you immediately think that you rather like this dream even more as you see John (or the closest thing you can remember of him, you haven't seen a picture of him for a while).

He looks absolutely adorable with his dark black hair that is messily styled and clothes that make him seem like an extreme idiot. When his eyes set on you his cute pale face turns red. "Vriska! I didn't expect to see you here!" You laugh a bit. You wish that meeting him would be this simple, to just dream about him. You feel like in some sense you have actually done that before, but just vaguely remember it. And you can't remember where you were or what you looked like. You looked awfully different though. Kind of like you weren't from Earth, but that's silly! Right now you will take time to focus on this dream.

"Oh, hello John." You reply calmly and he seems surprised. "Wow! I know that you handle things well but isn't this a bit crazy? I mean, we just met and you're… Like that…" He looks away and laughs awkwardly. It's funny how your dream-version of him is so realistic sometimes. Again you feel a bit of déjà vu, you don't really dream about John that much though. Would it be possible to actually meet him in a dream? You doubt it but what will it harm if you are wrong?

"John, is this a dream?" You see his eyes light up a bit. "I think it is, but usually the people in my dreams don't ask me that! I must have a pretty realistic interpretation of you!"

Your eyes widen a bit but you won't be phased by this. OBVIOUSLY just your mind playing tricks on you! "Haha. Wouldn't it be funny if this was actually our first time meeting?"

"Well, yes. I kind of feel like something like this has happened before. But you are obviously not real, no offence. Real-Vriska is never asleep by now. It's a pretty weird hour to be falling asleep over there."

"Well, Fake-John, Real-Vriska is actually asleep now. By Real-Vriska I mean me, I caught an illness and drifted off into dream-world or whatever. Nice try at trying to make me feel happy, brain. It's not working. Why are YOU asleep this early?!" You laugh. It's really unlikely that you both are dreaming the same dream. Usually that only happens to crazy people who are near each other. Aradia claims to be one of those people who can talk to dead people when she is asleep. John isn't dead, right? Or are you dead?

"Psh, you are NOT Real-Vriska! Obviously my mind is playing games on me, because I know for a fact that Real-Vriska would be embarrassed by me walking in to find her naked! I'm asleep because I always take naps around this hour!"

"Well I would be embarrassed if you were Real-John, but you aren't."

"It's like, impossible for us to be having the same dream so give it up Fake-Vriska! I know that you are not real! I can smell it!"

"Well, it's not impossible, according to Aradia at least. She claims that she can talk to and see the dead in her dreams. Did you die John? Or did I die? I probably died. Haha. Wouldn't that be funny, John?"

"Aradia? Why would you trust her? And why should I trust you? I won't make a comment on the death of someone who isn't real!"

You stand up and show yourself without caring, even if the extremely unlikely chance of John actually being here is true. "John, think about the last thing I said. You don't know that about Aradia, do you?"

His face turns red again and he looks away, and then practically turns around. "I… Well, I guess you're right. But what if my head just made that up?"

"Before that, prove something to me that you aren't part of MY imagination. Tell me something that I don't know. And don't make it obvious."

"Uh, well…" He pauses. "Oh! I know! Jade, which is seemingly sweet, is actually really aggressive and swears a whole bunch. I blame it all on Karkat." You shrug and reply.

"I guess that's something I didn't know. I could've guessed it though considering how she and Karkat would probably be dating now if they both didn't have people perfect for them." You laugh quietly. "I wish I had someone perfect for me. But now all of my feelings are mixed up and don't make any fucking sense. I'm soooooooo sick of it!"

"Okay, that's another thing I didn't really know, but I still don't know if I should believe that this is our first meeting and in a weird dream thing. Jade told me about how that really rich girl Feferi said something all spooky and weird about being able to meet people in dreams but that was a really long time ago. Wouldn't it be more realistic if we would've met sooner to when she 'talked to the gods'? "

"Probably but maybe we were just unlucky. You have to remember that there are millions of other people on this planet and that this is one of the few moments where our sleep times have been similar, all due to me being ill." Your put your clothes back on and give John a signal that it is alright to look at you now. You hear him sigh in relief and he sits on the dry ground next to you, sticking his feet into the warm water after taking off his shoes.

"So I guess that we actually are meeting for the same time. I admit I imaged you to be a little… Shorter…" You laugh and compare you heights. He is almost exactly your height, a little shorter considering you are relatively tall, but he is about the same. "I also didn't imagine you to be so… What's the word…?"

You watch him as he thinks for a few seconds and then he sits straight up. "Right! You are so much prettier than I remember. I remember before thinking you were pretty, but now I think you are even more beautiful!" He nods and smiles a dorky grin which causes you to blush a bit. But quickly you try to regain your cool.

"Um, well, you DID first see me naked." You grin at him and his smile fades and his eyes narrow. "Ah, shut up." He punches your arm playfully. "I mean like, your hair is prettier and your eyes are nicer, and all of that. Maybe it's because this is the first time I've seen you without makeup on." Your cheeks start to burn and you touch your face. He is right, you face is completely natural right now. Usually people don't like when you aren't wearing makeup, but here is the guy of your dreams saying that he PREFERS you without makeup.

John notices you blushing and he starts smiling that stupid smile again with his front teeth poking at his lips. "Aw! I got the never-break-her-cool-girl to blush! I MUST be doing something right!" He laughs and you grin at him. "Whatever, I won't lie about it."

You are having a lot of fun already with him. Even though this is a dream, it feels like it's real. You can even feel everything. You didn't notice it and thought the warm water was your temperature rising, but now you actually believe that you floated off somewhere along with the guy you have crushed on throughout all of high school.

You still don't feel that pretty though. He called you pretty, but you know that he adores little Miss Lalonde. You wonder if you could get him to confirm something for you about her. "Hey John," You begin to catch his attention again away from the warm water that him and your legs are soaking in. "How do you feel about Rose?"

He seems surprised by the question but he doesn't act embarrassed at all. "Oh. She is a great friend. We don't have much in common though, plus it seems like she is much more eager to see Kanaya again. I'm pretty sure she is into her." Your feelings don't fade. He still hasn't answered the final question you want to ask.

"Do you love her?" You say out loud. Your eyes widen as you realize that you actually asked him. Hopefully he won't be offended or something. "Haha, um, that's a weird question. But since we have never talked face to face before it's alright," You look at him seriously which seems to make him a bit nervous. "Well, truthfully I did have feelings for her in the past. But after seeing how she and Kanaya seemed to be getting along so well, I guess that I just kind of gave up. I moved past that and now I don't really have anyone in mind when someone mentions love. I mean, I would rather hang out with you than do all that mushy couple stuff!" John watches as your eyes light up and you are silently celebrating. He doesn't seem to catch on, which is good.

"Yeah, I'm not really into all of that kissing and hugging and stuff, truthfully. I tell people who I am so I won't seem weird but I'd much rather consider a 'date' something like seeing an action movie or something. Like Con Air!" John smiles widely and he laughs. "Yes! You are the only one who understands me, Vriska!"

You both give each other a high-five and laugh about it immediately afterwards. You really do love him. You love him more than anything in the world and wish that you could hang out with him every day. Plus this really nice conversation and mood isn't coming to something weird like how it always does with Tavros and Gamzee. You don't even want to kiss him. Okay, you do, but it's not overwhelming like how you are with Tav and it's not nagging like with Gam. Everything about being with him is comfortable too, because you don't have to worry about a relationship that you are ruining.

"Uh, Vriska," John catches your attention from you straying away with your thoughts. "I know it's a weird question, but can we like… Hug or something?" You blush a bit and raise an eyebrow. He notices your concerned expression and he quickly explains. "I mean, like, this is the first time meeting and I feel like we should celebrate it somehow and a hug is pretty extreme for an Egbert so… Yeah."

You smile and hug him tightly. "Come 'ere, you moron." John laughs and embraces you back. This is the moment where you really want to kiss him. You want to feel his breath against your skin and to sink into it. You want to feel his lips lock with yours to create the best kiss of your life. It doesn't seem likely though, considering he said he isn't into stuff like that. You said that too, but you admit that a fraction of you is really girly and wants to feel the texture of his lips.

He pulls away a little but keeps his arms around you as he notices that you are not letting go. His extremely pale skin is flushed with red yet again as he looks into your ice-colored eyes. You can hear his breathing as it increases a bit with your face so close to his. He is only inches away from you and you feel him steadily moving closer to give you time to push him away. You never push away though; you actually start to move closer to him also. You both just said you didn't like this kind of stuff but his lips are now only centimeters away and you can almost taste his soft lips…

"Vriska…" John whispers very gently right before your lips touch and you both stop. You look in his eyes and see and unsure look on his face. You don't know if he even wants to but you say quietly to him, "Just kiss me already."

At that moment your lips are forces against each other. You close your eyes and feel it, you actually feel his lips; this whole time you were thinking that this was a sick trick of your mind but now you are assured that he is really here in front of you. Your arms tighten around each other as you both pull the other closer. "I'm sorry John," you whisper between kisses. "I lied about the kissing thing."

"It's okay, I lied too." You smell his scent against you and can't get enough of it. You kiss and kiss until your lips start to feel funny. Your lips fit perfectly together and you feel like you were right all along. You were right about John being the guy that is perfect for you. But the question is, are you perfect for him?

You both pull away from the kiss after a long time. He hugs you again and you hug him back contently. "I wasn't sure if you were really Vriska, but I felt it. I know that this is real." John repeats what you were thinking and you feel a smile come across your face. "I thought maybe I would wake up alone in the middle but you're still here. I can smell your sweet scent and could feel your soft lips, Vriska. I don't know how to explain it…"

"I feel the same way about you, John." You reply with a smile. "I just need to ask one thing though before anything else happens." John looks at you with full attention while his arms are still around you. His eyes are serious and he is waiting patiently for your question. "I need to know… Do you love me back?"

You watch as John's eyes widen and his mouth opens a bit as he struggles to form words. "B-back? As in, you love me?" He looks surprised and he watches you as you nod. "Vriska, I've… I've always loved you. Ever since you asked me out on that day… You might not remember, but I know I do. I'm sorry that I never replied, I just never thought we would ever meet. Plus I was devastated after what happened to Rose. This whole time I thought that you gave up on me."

"I would never give up on anything, John, and especially not you." You feel your eyes start to water. You have never been happier in your life. "God, I'm going to start fucking falling asleep at 6 pm every night." You laugh and John hugs you again. "I really, really love you, John Egbert."

"I love you too, Vriska Serket." You feel his lips press against yours once again and static pulses through your body. All of your thoughts about Tavros and Gamzee disappear. You are at complete ease now. You have never felt so happy in your whole life. "I want to be with you, Vriska. Maybe I can get Rose's mom to take me along next visit. Mrs. Lalonde really does like me, so it would be really nice with we could see each other in, y'know, real life. This is pretty real and it feels real too, but that fact that we both know that it's a dream is still lingering."

"Let's enjoy this dream while it lasts though. I know that this is a dream and technically we are still so far away from each other, but this is the best we can do for now." You reply to him. He smiles at you gently and you feel red rush to your cheeks again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right." You laugh at him. He gives you his dorky smile again and you close your eyes while leaning against him. You want to stay there forever, but suddenly his warmth fades. You open your eyes again to find yourself back in your bedroom. You look over at the clock to see that it's been a couple of hours. It was a dream, but if you smell your shirt close enough he is there. John Egbert is in love with you, he kissed you and confessed.

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**A/N I warned you about the JohnVris! I told ya dog!**


	14. A Cold Wind

**A/N Second chapter of the night. This one isn't nearly as long as the last chapter, I hope that's alright.**

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You log on pesterchum to see that a message is right away sent to you. It's from John. "I know it's late over there, but you had the dream too, right? That wasn't my imagination, was it?"

"Yes, I had that dream too. I'm sorry that I woke up. ::::(."

"It's alright. Um, well, I guess I should get back to sleep before my dad finds out that I'm awake. He'll think something is weird because I usually sleep a bit longer."

"Okay, goodnight, sleep well."

"Night, Vris."

You are about to log off as you hear the messenger ring again before you close it. "…Love you." Was left for you. You aren't crazy, it really happened. Here is proof and just to remember it you will screenshot this. You want to look at it forever. You love this in his blue color; it makes your heart flutter. You love it so much that you make it your desktop background. Sure, it's hard to tell what it is when enhanced so much, but you will always know what it is. It is your special picture to keep.

You log off after that and let out a dreamy sigh. John Egbert is the only thing on your mind, just like how he was in freshman year. You would draw him as you remembered him and you would write songs, poems, even short stories about him. Vague notes that only you could know who they were about were littered all over your lockers inside. Your blue lipstick was on each and every picture that you had of him. This was when you started wearing blue lipstick so that if someone found something personal they would know who it belonged to and hopefully return it.

No one except you knew who all of these pictures and notes and everything were about. Only you, and now you have even more to think about. His soft and unskilled lips against yours, his skinny arms around you, his breath soft against you, his voice echoing throughout your head, his scent being left on your clothes, everything was like you had hoped for. Everything about this man is perfect.

You close your laptop and set it down on your nightstand. You lay facing the ceiling and you are deep in your thoughts. You are trying to fall asleep again. You want to kiss him even more, but you are interrupted by your mother knocking on your door and saying your name. "Vriska? You've been in this room for too long, you better be conscious."

"Yeah, I just woke up mom. Sorry, I still feel kind of sick."

Your mom opens the door without asking to come in. You would normally be mad but right now you don't care. She looks at you carefully and after a minute of inspecting she sighs. "Yeah, you seem pretty sick. I guess I'll have to call you in absent for tomorrow."

"Thanks mom." You say before she leaves your room.

"Yeah, you better feel good soon, you might have great grades but even a girl like you can have trouble catching up on a week of work."

"I think I'll be fine in 1 or 2 days." You say and she closes the door.

"Good night!" She yells while walking down the hallway.

"Yeah, good night…" You reply quietly. You close your eyes as you try to fall back to his dream but wake up in somewhere totally different. This time you cannot feel a thing and know that you won't find the real him anywhere nearby where you landed. You're unaware of it but right now John isn't even asleep. He is lying away in his bed, trying to get you off of his mind enough for him to sleep. By now his body is screaming for pleasure and the poor guy ends up having to do it himself.

You search head-to-toe in this dream for him. It's a creepy place that is dark and lonely. Not a sign of life is anywhere and you want to be somewhere else. Despite how you are aware of your dreams, you can never find a way to wake up from them or change them in an extreme way. Your realistic abilities are all that apply, the only upside is that you are always healthy in your dreams. It would suck if you had a dream where you are sick there also.

By the time you are out of that boring and creepy place you are awake. It is daytime and it's past any time that you would wake up for school, so obviously your mom gave you the okay to stay home. You wonder if John falls asleep during class. You doubt it, but a girl can dream. Literally.

You wonder if John is awake, but then you quickly shake your head, yeah right! Then again, you don't know what his sleep is like on a weekday. Maybe he wakes up pretty early. You are too curious to not check pesterchum. It seems that he is online.

"Morning John." You type.

"Oh, good morning Vriska! I guess that you aren't going to school today huh?"

"Noooooooope."

"Well it's a good thing that you are getting a lot of rest, I have to go in about 30 minutes though."

"Oh, you start that early?"

"7:30 isn't very early Vriska."

"Yeah it is. We usually start at like 8."

"I know, Vriska. 30 minutes isn't that much of a difference."

"Whatever you say, 8ut it's not like I'm going to 8e complaining. That means you get to get out earlier."

"Hehehe, yes, exactly."

"When are you going to go to sleep tonight?"

"Tell you what; I'll go to sleep an hour later than usual will that be alright with you?"

"Really?"

"Yes, I promise."

"Yaaaaaaaay!"

"Hehe well I'm going to log off. I guess it would be better if I left early. Bye Vriska."

"Bye John! Love youuuuuuuu!"

"Love you too. ;)."

You sign happily after you read that last line. John is so cute… You can't help but to be happy about it. You just want to drag him all the way to this state to keep him and kiss him every day. You aren't even officially a couple, but if anyone asks you will say that you and John are dating. You guys are already telling the other that you love each other, which is a huge step!

You can't wait to brag about this to everyone, except Aradia is probably the only one who would believe the dream thing. Maybe you should ask her about it later, or maybe Feferi. You don't talk to Peixes very often, but according to John, she's the one who should know the most about this stuff. Feferi is a really weird girl. She is sweet but sassy, and believes in all of that outrageous stuff about stars and hand lines. But if she really ISN'T crazy, you might have to thank her for what she claims she made possible.

Feferi lives really far away, even farther than the distance between you and John. To your knowledge her parents recently decided to live at their vacation home in Hawaii. You are 100% sure that any normal person over there would be asleep right now so later you will send her a message. For now you will enjoy your day off.

You do what any normal kid would do on a day off and go on the internet! Yay! You spend the majority of your time on YouTube to try to get updated with some of the v-bloggers that you track. People are more boring than you remember because you are pretty bored. You are itching to go outside but you know that if someone sees you they will think that you are skipping. Maybe you'll even see Gamzee, but you doubt that he would be skipping anytime soon considering he wants to get his grades up so badly.

Despite how you know it is probably bad for your health and reputation to go outside, you do after putting on a scarf and the jacket that Kanaya mended for you. Some cold is a little good for everyone once in a while. It is way more fun than staying inside all day anyway.

You open the door and step outside after putting on your bright red boots. It is still fall according to the colorful leaves, but the sky makes you think that everything is going to frost over anytime soon. Better to enjoy it now versus when it is freezing. You do rather enjoy the winter the most, but you always try to avoid the cold despite how it doesn't affect you as much as others.

The snow is beautiful but sorrowful; every time you think about it strange memories that you don't remember actually encountering enter your mind. The thoughts are usually like standing alone in the snow, staring up at a figure in a window. When you think of that, the phrase "Do you remember me" sneaks into your mind. You don't have any idea who or what it is pertaining to, but it always makes you feel like crying. But you don't want to think about these vague memories, not yet. It's time to go.

You close the door behind you and feel cold air against your face. You pull the scarf over some of your face and start walking. Your long blond hair flutters in the breeze and you completely stand out from everything around you. You are definitely a winter girl, because right now you stand out like a sore thumb.

Sometimes you wonder if it would be better to dye your hair jet black like your mother did; you would definitely not stand out so much if your hair wasn't such a bright blond. You realize that you are standing in front of your house deep in thought and quickly start moving. You pass by your neighbors' house and say hello to Equius' guardian, Author. He is very kind but a bit fragile. He gives you a strange look and attempts to say something but allows you to keep walking. He never was much of a talker.

You feel rather good after a whole night of sleep and are very energetic at the moment. You don't even know where you are going but find yourself at the hill that you were sitting at the other day. You walk up slowly to try not to go too fast. You sit in the spot that you and Tavros were sitting and lay down to stare at the bright grey clouds. Your blond hair spreads around you and the dead grass is surprisingly soft.

You close your eyes and breathe in the freezing air. Despite how cold it is, you feel very comfortable where you are. You would like to lie here all day, but you would definitely not get healthier like this. You want to cuddle up against someone right here, but for now stretching all of your limbs out as far as you can is good enough.


	15. Fresh Air

**A/N Long chapter warning! Also, badly written smut warning to go along with that.**

* * *

You watch the darkness of your closed eyes and listen to the sound of the wind. You think of a beautiful tune you have heard once before and start to hum along with your thoughts. It's a very melancholy tune and makes you feel empty despite its beautiful chime. Your thoughts drift along with the tune and you realize you are asleep. Except it feels just like you did before. It's cold, lonely, but somehow comfortable. But now you find yourself in snow. You are in a bright orange outfit and your hands are a light tone of grey.

You feel a sensation on your head as you move and reach up to touch hard objects that are connected to your head. You feel sharp fangs poking your bottom lip and somehow feel like this isn't strange. You stand up and move black hair out of your vision. You don't know what you are or why you are like this but you consciously accept it.

You feel chilly and reach your grey hands around yourself. You are lacking a jacket only to show the ashen color along the rest of your visible skin. Without even thinking you feel yourself lifting off of the ground. You feel free and a smile creeps along your face. You gain control of the beautiful wings spread along your back and raise higher into the air.

You woke up to find yourself on a snowy hill similar to the one you were on before but much around it is different. Not just the snow, but this is a completely different town. You have no idea where you are mentally but your body takes you forward. You fly a long way and land in the front yard of a house that you don't think you've ever seen, but at the back of your mind you are unbelievably happy.

You feel your lips move but you cannot hear what you said until the quiet and untouched snow around you echoes the sound into your ears. "_John…_" The voice that you suppose is yours says softly. You are in front of where a window would be if on the first floor and look up to find a figure staring at you through the window. Your lips move again as the figure opens the door. "_Do you remem8er me?_" The words echo all around you. The boy looks down at you and his face is revealed from the shadow of the room.

Your bottom lip quivers and you tremble as your smile is widened. Your body is lifted into the air yet again and flutters gently up to the window that the boy stands. You wait to hear his voice chime into your ears and almost start crying with joy. "_Vriska? Your name is Vriska…_"

You coil your steel-colored arms around him and feel the warmth of him. This John is different from the one that you know. This John's skin is much paler than the one that you know. And when you try to look into his eyes you can't see any sign of life in them. "_Are you dead, Vriska?_" The voice whispers to you.

This time you don't feel like you are even speaking. "_Yes, I am dead._" Now you are aware that you are not this girl. You are someone else that looks similar and has the same voice but she is not you. You are seeing the life of someone just like you. Her name is also Vriska, and she also has her own John. She is not you, but she is the same. You are happy for her but know that sadness is also reflected in her voice.

"_Am _I_ dead?_" Her John asks her.

"_No, you are asleep, John_."

"_How did you die, Vriska? And why didn't anyone tell me?_"

"_Jade didn't tell you to protect you and I don't think anyone else with you knows. I was killed 8ecause I was dangerous to the people around me._"

"_That isn't fair; you were the one I was looking forward to seeing the most._"

"_Nothing in life is fair, John. 8ut I'm here 8ecause it seems that life might give me another chance to see you, even if it's just for now._"

"_I don't want to go there now Vriska. I thought I would be okay if you were there, but now I'm not so sure._"

"_You will 8e fine, John. You are our hero. You will 8e the savior of us all. I would've only made everything harder anyway. You don't need me John. No one needs me John._"

"I _need you Vriska! _I _will miss you! Why does this game always kill everyone special to me?!_"

"_A lot of people are still with you John, even your sister is. Rose is going to 8e with you. Karkat will 8e with you. Just remem8er my name and you will still see me. You will 8e alright John. I love you. Don't forget my name. Remem8er me._"

You watch as she leans in a kisses him. Then she fades away. She is gone and he is left to stare at the empty air where she was. You are now on the ground and how you normally appear. He doesn't see you and you watch as a tear runs down his face. He closes his window and then you feel yourself fade away. You wake up and you feel freezing tears streaming down your cheeks. "Remember me…" You repeat with as sadness is heard in your voice.

You get up and look around. No one is here with you and there is not one bit of snow on the ground. You start to slide down the hill and wipe the tears from your face. It is perfectly quiet minus the sound of the wind around you as it wisps leaves into the air in a swirl.

You start to walk home and watch the ground underneath your feet as you walk. You step on dead leaves which make a loud and satisfying crunch. You think about the other Vriska and John that you saw. You don't know what it all means, and you are kind of scared by the way he spoke about how some kind of game killed so many people. It was a dream, it shouldn't mean anything, but it was hard to watch people in so much pain.

In what seems like no time you find yourself at your door. You open it and walk in to take your boots off and hang your jacket and scarf. You adjust your glasses after wiping the fog off of them with your shirt and look around. Everything is just the way it was when you left, and no one else seems to be home. You grab your cellphone from your pocket and check what time it is. It's about 4 pm and you are surprised that you didn't see anyone outside. School ended about 45 minutes ago.

You lie down on the couch and touch your fingers to your lips. You still have to wait a while until John gets home from school. You are trying to remember how John sounded when he told you that he loves you, but now the only words you can hear over and over are "Do you remember me?"

You can't stop hearing a perfect imitation of your voice saying that line again and again. "_Do you remem8er me_?" You don't want to remember; she was talking to someone else. Those words weren't for you but they cannot escape your mind. "_Remem8er me._" No, you don't want to remember! "_I love you. Don't forget my name. Remem8er me." _This is not your voice. This is a completely different girl, but you are somehow the same. But this isn't you. Vriska is her name. Vriska is your name. John is his name. John is also his name.

You look at your light skin and touch your head to find nothing like in your dream. You see your outfit and you are not wearing any orange or a symbol of a sun. You touch your back and do not find beautiful blue wings that shimmer with the cold of the snow. You do not have fangs that touch your bottom lip and your hair is the same blonde that it was before that dream. You are still tired but will stay awake until you talk to John. He should be home in a bit longer than 30 minutes.

You spend a couple of minutes on the internet, about 20 minutes and then you spend the next 10 staring at your messenger waiting for John. He still isn't online so you are about to close your laptop but decide just in case that you should keep it open. You get up to find a thermometer to check your temperature. It is lower than what your mom suspected it was earlier and you guess you might have to go back to school tomorrow, despite how much you don't want to.

You hear a ring from the living room and walk over to check your laptop. You were excited to see John messaging you but it turns out that Rose is. This will be SOOOOOOOO fun.

"Hello Ms. Serket, I was just going to ask you a couple of questions."

"Oh, hi Rose. Are you talking to me to try to do more of that dum8 therapist game? I really think you should go to school for that instead of testing on people who you know."

"I'm sorry about that, by the way. But this isn't a therapy session despite how much you might need one; this is about your relationship with Mr. Egbert."

You raise an eyebrow and sit down in a comfortable place to continue to reply. "You mean John? What a8out him?"

"Well lately John has started rumors about having a girlfriend. After enjoying how amusing it was, I had to investigate and when I asked him who he told me that it was _you _who he was dating."

You laugh a bit at the idea of him telling everyone around him about having a girlfriend. It is a quite funny thought. "Well, I guess that you could say that. It isn't really… Official, y'know? We've said a few things 8ut have never really said the words 'Will you go out with me.' 8ut yes, I am considering him my 8oyfriend as well."

"I think that is an absolutely great thing. I just had to make sure that he wasn't lying. It will be good for him to have someone like you by his side, Vriska. I might even convince my mother to take him along when we go over there next summer when I visit Kanaya."

"Well that would 8e gr8! 8ut don't force anything on yourself, we might not get along well but I'm still concerned a8out you."

"I will manage but thank you. Good luck."

"Thanks." You watch as Rose's icon goes grey and you are left to stare at the conversation. Rose accepts the relationship between John and you. Things seem to be getting better and better. You are even happier when you see John's icon light up. You wait a few seconds before messaging him; you don't want to seem overly clingy.

"Hey John. ::::)"

"Oh hi Vriska!"

"Did you have a good day?"

"Yes, I did actually! I was telling everyone at school about you and they didn't believe me, but they all seemed shocked when I talked about you! It was awesome!"

"Yes, Rose told me all a8out it. She seems pretty happy a8out our relationship also, which is gr8."

"Oh really? That's good, she didn't really believe me at first either but now I have someone to confirm it."

"Hahahahahahahaha, 8ut do you think that people will 8elieve Rose? May8e you should show off a picture, haha. :::;)."

"That's actually a good idea! But they might think you're too pretty to be dating a dork like me."

"8ut you're cute, I think they would understand!"

"Cute? I am NOT cute! I am VERY manly, for your information!"

"Ha. Sure."

"I'm serious!"

"Then they should totally and a8solutely 8elieve you 888%."

"888%? Don't you think that number is a little impossible?"

"Not for you, manly man!"

"Shut up, okay so like. When are you going to go to sleep?"

"I was thinking a8out really soon, I'm quite tired."

"Thank god, so am I!"

"Okay well do you want to sleep now?"

"Sure, if you do."

You continue to reply after taking your laptop to your room again. "Yeah, I do."

"You took kind of long to reply, are you busy?"

"Oh, no I am fine. I was just going to my room."

"Oh, okay, well I'm going to fall asleep in about a minute."

"Alright, I'll hopefully see you there. Love you :::;)"

"I love you too!"

John logs off and you lay down on your bed after logging off yourself. You want to see John so badly. It was just one night since you first saw him and felt him, and you already can't wait to experience it again. You fall asleep and find yourself on a wooden floor. It is uncomfortable and you sit up, looking around. You seem to be in some sort of tree house, which is totally rad! It smells like pine trees and you look out the window to find many branches all around you and a whole system of tree houses around you. You do not see John so you stay where you are.

While you wait, you look at your outfit. It is different from any outfit you have. You are wearing a white sleeveless shirt with a green-jean skirt. It is a strange outfit and you probably wouldn't prefer to wear it if you saw it, but it goes along with the theme of this dream so you will go along with it. The only major thing about this outfit is that the skirt is pretty short. You've worn that really revealing white dress before and nothing happened so you think you will be fine.

You decide to explore by walking on a wooden bridge over to the nearest tree house because there is still no sign of John. You feel like he will show up though, so you don't lose hope. You step into the second house and don't find anything inside so you move along to the next one. Finally after 2 or 3 more houses you find John on the floor inside of one. He seems to have trouble completely falling asleep so you sit next to him and wait until he will be totally asleep.

You've been sitting for what seems like about 5 minutes and finally you hear movement next to you. You quietly walk out of the tree house and wait outside of it where he cannot see or hear you. When you are comfortable you hear him groan similar to how you did when you awoke on the uncomfortable floor. He is in an outfit similar to his normal outfit except his shorts are the same green as your skirt. You are both matching, it's rather cute.

You watch from the doorway you exited out of without making a sound and being as invisible as possible. He doesn't notice you for the longest time so when he attempts to walk in the wrong direction to find you, you decide to step in and act like you had no idea he would be in this one. "Finally, John! I was looking for you and this place was so big that it was rather hard."

John turns to face you and his cheeks turn a bit red when he sees you. "Oh hi Vriska. I'm sorry; you weren't looking for too long, right?" You giggle and he turns even redder. "No, I woke up in the tree house a couple down from here."

You watch as he stares at the outfit you are wearing. He seems completely unable to take his eyes from you so you decide it would be fun to play with his feelings a bit. You walk closer to him slowly, flipping your long hair out of your face. He watches carefully as your beautiful blonde locks fall on your back. His mouth is slightly open while he watches you. "It's beautiful here, huh?" You ask him with a smile on your face.

"Yeah you, I mean, _it_ sure is." He clears his throat and tries to keep his eyes from staring at you. You walk right next to him and hold his hand, which causes him to turn red again.

"Let's go explore." You say to him. You look at him and smile before running ahead of him. "Come on!" You yell.

John watches you and smiles a dorky grin as he catches up to you. You both start walking along the bridges. After checking all the tree houses on the outskirts of the area, you both start walking on a wider bridge with leads to a much bigger tree house in the center of the area. You both walk inside and inspect it. There are several beds inside and a ladder in the middle of the floor leading to who-knows-where.

John tests out one of the beds and smiles. "Hehe, it's pretty comfortable." He watches you from the bed he is sitting on and his face turns red. You are inspecting the ladder and from his angle he can see your cleavage. You look up to see him staring at you and look at him confused after moving some of your bangs out of your eyes. "John?"

He notices he is staring and looks to the side. "Uh, nothing."

You smile at him and stand up to walk over to him. He notices you walking closer and looks at you. You get on the bed on your hands and knees which causes John to look at you extremely embarrassed. "V-Vriska, what are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" You smile at him as if you are not doing anything and crawl closer to him. He turns redder each inch that you come closer to him. You get closer and closer until your face is only an inch from his. You giggle at him a bit before closing your eyes and kissing him softly. You put your arms around his shoulders and he stays still.

He starts pushing his kiss against yours also and you feel a sense of victory. You slide your tongue in his mouth as he gives you a small moment to. You feel his tongue start to dance with yours and tighten your arms around him. He turns red and sets one of his hands on your breasts. You turn red but don't complain and just continue to kiss him.

You tremble as his hand starts to squeeze and John takes notice. You break the kiss as he continues to fondle and play with you. You look at him to see a smile across his face and red along his cheeks. "Hehe, it seems that you like this Vriska." You stick your tongue out at him. "Shut up."

He sits up and pushes you back so you are sitting. You prop yourself up on your hands and watch him have his fun with you. Now he begins using both of his hands on you and when you start to feel comfortable with it he surprises you by pushing his face against your breasts. He seems to be enjoying it when you squeak with embarrassment. "Hehehe," John giggles at you. "You're so cute Vriska."

You are about to complain but he cuts you off by starting to pull your shirt up. He looks up at you when he would need you to hold up your arms for him to continue. His dorky smile is really charming and his messy hair looks adorable. You lift up your arms and he takes your shirt off of you. He looks at your light blue bra with girly lace and starts to laugh. "Haha, Vriska, aren't you a little too childish for lace like this?"

You turn red and frown. "Aren't you a little too rude to want to have sex with me?"

He looks up at you and blushes. "T-that's not what I'm doing! I mean… I do, but, I don't want to do something like that just yet…" He talks while putting his arms around you and trying to take your bra off. After him struggling with the strap you are about to help him but he gets before you have the chance. He slides it off of you and stares at your bare chest. "They don't look this big when covered…"

You turn red and stare at him. "John, you're really weird."

"What do you mean?"

"Well I would expect most people to complain about how small they are."

"What? They are fine. I've never really seen any this closely before, but they are kind of cute."

"Cute? That's not much of a compliment when talking about a girl's boobs."

"Well I think big ones are unflattering to the rest of a girl's body, so these are perfect." He nuzzles his cheek against one of your boobs and smiles. You can't help but laugh at him.

He backs up a little and you lay down while he stops to let you make yourself more comfortable. He smiles and pinches one of your nipples while he begins sucking softly on the other. His pinching kind of hurts and feels good at the same time and you don't know how to feel about it, but you withstand it because John is the one doing this to you. You feel is warm breath against your bare skin and let out moans of pleasure every time that he sucks on you. "John… W-what are you doing…?"

He stops for a bit and looks up at you to answer. "What's wrong? Do you not like it?" He continues to fondle one of your breasts with his hand as he waits for an answer. "N-no, I like it, I guess I'm just not used to this sensation…"

John smiles a bit and pecks a kiss on your cheek before he moves back to continue to play with you more and more. His tongue moves along your skin as he starts to move downwards. You stare at him with surprise as you realize that his face is staring underneath your skirt. You feel your face turn all red as he is just observing your panties. "J-John stop, don't just stare…"

He looks up at your face for a moment and smiles as he softly pokes at your panties, which causes you to close your legs around his arm with surprise. "H-hey, don't do something like that so suddenly!" You hear John laugh at you.

"Suddenly? I thought that it was pretty obvious what I was going to do." He says as he softly slides his finger up and down along your panties as he resists pulling his arm away from between your legs. He watches you as your body twitches when he touches certain areas and he soon enough can tell where you are sensitive most. "You seem to like this too, Vriska." You can hear him laughing while speaking and gulp.

"S-shut up." You mumble as he continues to run a single finger over your blue panties. After a bit more of it you accidentally let a moan escape from your mouth. He takes it as a signal to keep going and slides your skirt off along with your panties. "Hey John, wait…"

He ignores your warning and spreads your legs a bit. You don't resist and move along with his hands to make it easier. He contently watches as he puts one hand on your thigh and the other against your untouched womanhood. His index finger moves slowly against you and causes you to moan out quietly. "John…!" You yell his name with embarrassment.

He smiles and his finger continues to move along your most sensitive parts. You are gasping and trembling like crazy. His finger finds the exact spot where it feels best and stays relatively still, moving only enough to rub you. You moan out his name softly and feel sweat covering your body. You've never felt this good before.

"You like it a lot here, huh, Vriska?" His voice sounds joyful and a bit teasing but you can't clear your mind enough to think about it much. All you do is moan out, "U-uh huh…"

He begins to slide his finger down slowly until it is softly pressed against the entrance. You are completely red and breathing hard by now, so you are kind of scared to see what will happen if he touches you. "I'm going to put my finger in, Vriska." John tells you and you nod in reply because you are having trouble forming words.

You can feel it slowly sliding in and it feels rather strange. It feels good but you have trouble reacting because of surprise. John notices the lack of reaction and slides it out. "John, wait, its fine you can do that." He doesn't even reply and you are afraid that your lack of reaction ruined everything, but right before you ask you feel a sensation as he shoves his finger back in much faster and with more force. You moan out and he laughs with accomplishment.

After allowing you to catch your breath, he warns you again. "I'm going to try something…" Before you can question him you feel another finger find its way inside of you. "John!" You moan with surprise to another sensation. His fingers start to move around and he smiles when he feels you tighten around him. "Wow Vriska, this is really tight."

You turn red and cover your face. "Shut up!" You yell at him and he laughs more in reply. "You're so fucking cute Vriska." You wiggle your legs a bit in reply and yell again louder. "SHUT UP!" After you scream he is uncharacteristically quiet and you start to grow suspicious. Your wonder disappears as you feel him moving his fingers in and out of you. Moans begin escaping from your throat again.

"Aah, John…" You moan out his name and he takes that as a signal. His fingers move fast and harder and you hear him whisper. "Gosh it's such a pretty color…" You feel like you're going to faint when he says that. "Haha! Wow! It tightened even more!"

"That's not funny!" You yell at him. He laughs and says loudly like he isn't embarrassed at all. "Sorry!" You are about to complain more but your thoughts are interrupted by a weird and totally different feeling. You look down at him to see his face buried into you. "Ah! John! Stop that's not sanitary!" You begin to moan loudly when he licks and it feels heavenly when he moves his fingers even harder during all of this.

You are quickly racing closer to where your limit will occur and moan extremely loud. He continues for a few more seconds and allows you to climax. After your body calms down John moves his hands away and his face. He sits up straight and looks at you. "John… That was… Wow…" You breathe in loudly as you try to keep your breathing at a steady pace. He smiles at you and mumbles while he is about to get up. "Oh, dammit."

"What is it?" You say with a concerned expression. He looks at you again and point down. You look to where he is pointing and turn red. "O-oh. Um, do you want me to help you with that?" You watch as John shakes his head. "Uh, no, I think I can handle it…"

"Come on John, just let me help you. You deserve it."

John looks at you shyly with an unsure expression and sighs as he starts unbuckling his belt. "Ah, fine…" You watch him as his shorts are slid off and he takes his shirt off. He is how you expected, hardly any muscle at all. But you notice the bulge poking at his boxers. You laugh and crawl closer to him.

He looks really uncomfortable if you are right next to him so you get down on the floor in front of him while sitting up on your knees. He turns red and looks away shyly. You poke at his boxers and watch as he twitches and he mumbles. "Just hurry… I don't like this feeling…" You laugh and pull his boxers off. He looks extremely uncomfortable while you stare at it. "Don't stare…" You look up at his face and stick your tongue. "You stared at me too, dork."

You rest your hand on him. "Hehe, plus your dick is pretty decent." Johns eyes widen as you use that word and quickly acts like it's nothing. "W-whatever." You wrap your right hand around him which causes him to tremble. You begin to rub his manhood up and down. He looks down at you as a low groan escapes from his throat.

You watch his expressions while you stroke him up and down. You attempt to end it early because he looks like he wants this to stop immediately, and he even tells you that. "Can't you just like… Make it stop right away. It, ah," He moans a bit in a low tone. "It feels good but I don't want you to do this out of pity…"

You have heard that some guys are extreme sensitive and might release without even much of anything if you play your cards right, so you decide to experiment. The first thing that you do is attempt to lick the head. He starts moaning louder but you aren't really getting anywhere still. In another attempt, you take a deep breath and shove it in your mouth. It can't go very far because your gag reflex is too strong, but he seems to already be sweating like crazy.

You start to suck at him softly and he can't seem to stand it. "F-fuck, Vriska! That feels too fucking good I think I might be done soon." You giggle softly and suck as hard as you can after he says that. He is now practically screaming and is pulling at the hair on the back of your head. It doesn't hurt much because of the way that he is doing it, but you wonder if he's going to want more later.

"Fucking shit, Vriska, suck my dick harder." You continue sucking at him and attempt to move it a little deeper in your mouth. It doesn't seem much deeper to you, but his moaning increased a lot after that bit. You suck and suck and feel kind of sick of this because you've never done it before and it feels kind of like a chore the way that you are doing it, but he will be happier the quicker that it's over.

Finally you feel his warm release deep in your mouth and he holds you still for it to all sneak into your mouth. You pull away after he lets you go and you cough a bit. The majority of his seed is let out from your mouth because you couldn't swallow. "U-ugh. This taste is strong." You complain. "I thought that it was supposed to taste good."

John looks at you apologetically and you smile at him after wiping your mouth with your arm. "No, I'm fine, it's alright." You lie down next to John and don't even bother putting your clothes back on. He looks exhausted and looks over at you. "Uh, thanks for that. You have no idea how awkward that feels."

You laugh and smile at him. "Yeah, I figured, that's why I wanted to help you. Plus I wanted to return the favor of giving me such pleasure." John turns towards you on his side and you do the same. He starts laughing and then begins to speak. "I would kiss you if we could both wash our mouths."

"Haha, yeah, me too."

John looks around and smiles awkwardly. "This is a pretty long dream, huh?"

"Yeah, that's for sure. I would be enjoying it if the awkward feeling wasn't so strong now."

"Mhm, I totally understand that."

You suddenly feel like you are getting lighter. "Oh, speak of the devil. Well, bye John. I love you."

You can hear him breathe in to reply but you did not hear those words. You are awake now, alone in your bedroom.


	16. Notice

**Hey guys. I'm sorry about not updating recently and have to admit that I am losing interest in writing this because of how out of control the plot is. I'm really sorry to all of you who have stayed with the story, but I will keep this on my to-do list... I will just put it at the bottom.**

**On the bright side, I am planning on writing 1 or 2 more fics that are much more well layed out and hopefully have less smut because, while we all enjoy smutty fics, I just don't write it well!**

**My current interest in ships to write include:**

**DaveJade (already has a few rough drafts)**

**SolAra (one rough draft)**

**Karezi**

**Again, I am sorry about everything!**


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